Monday, June 11, 2012
Fun Weekend Nails!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
I'd Like to Say Thank You For....
Have you ever felt like no one appreciates what you do? Like you are doing your damnedest to get your job done, and do it right, and you never get a word of thanks? Or when you ARE thanked, its a simple passing "Thanks" that we are trained from birth to render mindlessly when someone does something for you. You know what I mean - times like when the bank teller hands you your cash, or as the drive-thru attendant hands you your drinks through the window, or when your waitress fills your glass back up. We've all been there, doing the jobs that we're sure no one REALLY appreciates, just simply expects - the jobs that no one is really thankful are done, just angry when they aren't accomplished. Have you ever thought about ACTUALLY taking time to stop your waitress and say "Thank you, you're doing an awesome job and I really appreciate you being so attentive and on top of everything!"
It never really occured to me how thankless some jobs are until the last couple months.
I was out with an amazing friend of mine, Kristian. Kristian is this crazy big city girl trapped in a quiet small country town, and in a way, we are kinda kindered spirits (although I will admit, as she would too, that I am probably happier in our small town than she is, haha!) She is a talented, intelligent and vivacious woman, and even after years, literally, of not seeing each other and/or hardly speaking because of the busy lives we have led, we sat down for a late lunch one day and couldn't stop talking - about EVERYTHING. We talked and sipped wine in a fantastic little Italian Cafe close to home, when our waitress came over to check on our order and see if there was anything that she could do. At that point, Kristian struck up a conversation - which is not unusual for Kristian or I, because it's also true that we both love to talk to people, and we tend to feed off of eachothers energy. However, at some point in the afternoon, when our lovely waitress Patty came over to check on us once more, hours after we first arrived, Kristian did something that took me slightly aback. She straight up praised the waitress for her knowledge of the menu, for her professionalism, and her appropriate time spacing between asking how we were doing with our food.
I was honestly a little bit embarrassed at first and slightly confused, because I had never been around anyone that took it upon themselves to publically shower someone with praise. Along with that, I had never offered that much thanks to someone before, and I had no idea why I had never shown my appreciation before or what to say. It occurred to me that my lack of action obviously led me to be the one that was in the wrong, and I couldn't believe I had never said thank you in such a way before. However, being the social "cameleon" that I am (I have my dear friend Ethan to thank for that perfect explaination of my personality), I chimed right in, and said legitimately what was on my mind just as Kristian was - that Patty's recommendations were fantastic and that I appreciated the fact that she made sure we were taken care of, without hovering over our table. You see, Kristian is a very outspoken person, and I am too - when I'm among friends. But to shower that praise on a complete stranger put me in a bit of a social gridlock, and I wasn't sure how to react to it...
Until I saw the look on Patty's face.
The way she lit up when she heard how great of a job we thought she was doing was enough to make even me smile, and I wasn't the one that was receiving the thanks! Her facial expression made it quite obvious how much our praise meant to her, and all we were really doing was making sure that she knew how nice it was that she was good at her job and that we took notice of it. It made me think - how often do I go, daily, and not genuinely offer my gratitude for a job well done. How many people have affected my life, from a miniscule deed done well to a life altering event, that I have never stopped to thank? Or even the little things, like the drive thru attendant, the one that I just hand a card to, grab my food and toss a "thanks, you too" over my shoulder as I drive away. How many times have I done nothing but leave a tip on the table as an expression of a "good job", when I could have also picked up the pen and wrote on the back on my receipt "Your service was excellent - thanks for making my dinner worry-free & keep up the great work!"
And so - I have conducted a social experiment a couple times in the last few weeks - once with a drive thru attendant and once with my waiter at a restaurant. To the drive-thru attendant, I expressed my appreciation for her sunny disposition and how nice it was for her to simply ask "How are you today?" through the speaker of the drive-thru instead of "Would you like to try a Value Meal?!?" And to my waiter, who's name was Troy, at Hard Rock Destin, I left a note thanking him for his fantastic and humorous service and a guarantee that I would be back. The results? The drive-thru girl smiled at me, blushed a little and simply said that's what they were trained to say (which I know isn't true and I'm sure that was just her response b/c she didn't know what to say to a direct compliment. Ive worked drive-thru, and you're trained to sell the product). And Troy? Before he even saw what I had wrote, he had noticed the writing on the receipt stub and commented that he was going to keep that copy.
My point is, is that there are so many jobs that go without a proper thank you. I'm not sure why we don't hand them out more freely - maybe it's because we just assume people know we're thankful, or perhaps it's b/c we just think of it as "they're just doing their job". Let me tell you, I have heard the saying before, "You don't get rewarded for doing your job," and I say that's crap. It's called a paycheck, or a promotion. That is your bosses way of showing their gratitude for you doing your job and doing it right. But what about situations other than an "employer-employee" relationship? Does that mean a plain, scripted "thank you" is enough all the time? Have you ever been caused to stop and go "Wow, that person was so polite and friendly, it made my day!", and then just walked away? What about the people that made such a huge impact on your life that it has permanently changed you as a person? Have you told them what they mean to you, or do you just chose to assume that they already know? Have you ever wondered why some people just do the bare minimum at their job, and been curious if it was b/c they worked their @$$es off for years without even a small showing of graditude or validation for their work, so they just stopped caring about the quality of work they did? Sure, sometimes a simple "Thanks!" is enough, but sometimes it should be a stepping stone to another expression of graditude.
Lastly, I'll bring this full circle - and I'll ask you again - have YOU ever held a job where you felt that no one was grateful for the work you put in, the effort you made, or the time that you spent? Have you ever just wished for a little more than a cliche "thanks" in response to your dedication? And have YOU done anything to break that cycle? - to show someone that you have noticed their work, knowing that there have been times in your life when you wished someone would have noticed yours?
I would challenge everyone - like my friend Kristian unknowingly challenged me - to break the cycle and express your gratitude for a job well done. It doesn't cost you anything, and the happiness on someones face in reaction to you noticing their hard work is truly priceless.
It never really occured to me how thankless some jobs are until the last couple months.
I was out with an amazing friend of mine, Kristian. Kristian is this crazy big city girl trapped in a quiet small country town, and in a way, we are kinda kindered spirits (although I will admit, as she would too, that I am probably happier in our small town than she is, haha!) She is a talented, intelligent and vivacious woman, and even after years, literally, of not seeing each other and/or hardly speaking because of the busy lives we have led, we sat down for a late lunch one day and couldn't stop talking - about EVERYTHING. We talked and sipped wine in a fantastic little Italian Cafe close to home, when our waitress came over to check on our order and see if there was anything that she could do. At that point, Kristian struck up a conversation - which is not unusual for Kristian or I, because it's also true that we both love to talk to people, and we tend to feed off of eachothers energy. However, at some point in the afternoon, when our lovely waitress Patty came over to check on us once more, hours after we first arrived, Kristian did something that took me slightly aback. She straight up praised the waitress for her knowledge of the menu, for her professionalism, and her appropriate time spacing between asking how we were doing with our food.
I was honestly a little bit embarrassed at first and slightly confused, because I had never been around anyone that took it upon themselves to publically shower someone with praise. Along with that, I had never offered that much thanks to someone before, and I had no idea why I had never shown my appreciation before or what to say. It occurred to me that my lack of action obviously led me to be the one that was in the wrong, and I couldn't believe I had never said thank you in such a way before. However, being the social "cameleon" that I am (I have my dear friend Ethan to thank for that perfect explaination of my personality), I chimed right in, and said legitimately what was on my mind just as Kristian was - that Patty's recommendations were fantastic and that I appreciated the fact that she made sure we were taken care of, without hovering over our table. You see, Kristian is a very outspoken person, and I am too - when I'm among friends. But to shower that praise on a complete stranger put me in a bit of a social gridlock, and I wasn't sure how to react to it...
Until I saw the look on Patty's face.
The way she lit up when she heard how great of a job we thought she was doing was enough to make even me smile, and I wasn't the one that was receiving the thanks! Her facial expression made it quite obvious how much our praise meant to her, and all we were really doing was making sure that she knew how nice it was that she was good at her job and that we took notice of it. It made me think - how often do I go, daily, and not genuinely offer my gratitude for a job well done. How many people have affected my life, from a miniscule deed done well to a life altering event, that I have never stopped to thank? Or even the little things, like the drive thru attendant, the one that I just hand a card to, grab my food and toss a "thanks, you too" over my shoulder as I drive away. How many times have I done nothing but leave a tip on the table as an expression of a "good job", when I could have also picked up the pen and wrote on the back on my receipt "Your service was excellent - thanks for making my dinner worry-free & keep up the great work!"
And so - I have conducted a social experiment a couple times in the last few weeks - once with a drive thru attendant and once with my waiter at a restaurant. To the drive-thru attendant, I expressed my appreciation for her sunny disposition and how nice it was for her to simply ask "How are you today?" through the speaker of the drive-thru instead of "Would you like to try a Value Meal?!?" And to my waiter, who's name was Troy, at Hard Rock Destin, I left a note thanking him for his fantastic and humorous service and a guarantee that I would be back. The results? The drive-thru girl smiled at me, blushed a little and simply said that's what they were trained to say (which I know isn't true and I'm sure that was just her response b/c she didn't know what to say to a direct compliment. Ive worked drive-thru, and you're trained to sell the product). And Troy? Before he even saw what I had wrote, he had noticed the writing on the receipt stub and commented that he was going to keep that copy.
My point is, is that there are so many jobs that go without a proper thank you. I'm not sure why we don't hand them out more freely - maybe it's because we just assume people know we're thankful, or perhaps it's b/c we just think of it as "they're just doing their job". Let me tell you, I have heard the saying before, "You don't get rewarded for doing your job," and I say that's crap. It's called a paycheck, or a promotion. That is your bosses way of showing their gratitude for you doing your job and doing it right. But what about situations other than an "employer-employee" relationship? Does that mean a plain, scripted "thank you" is enough all the time? Have you ever been caused to stop and go "Wow, that person was so polite and friendly, it made my day!", and then just walked away? What about the people that made such a huge impact on your life that it has permanently changed you as a person? Have you told them what they mean to you, or do you just chose to assume that they already know? Have you ever wondered why some people just do the bare minimum at their job, and been curious if it was b/c they worked their @$$es off for years without even a small showing of graditude or validation for their work, so they just stopped caring about the quality of work they did? Sure, sometimes a simple "Thanks!" is enough, but sometimes it should be a stepping stone to another expression of graditude.
Lastly, I'll bring this full circle - and I'll ask you again - have YOU ever held a job where you felt that no one was grateful for the work you put in, the effort you made, or the time that you spent? Have you ever just wished for a little more than a cliche "thanks" in response to your dedication? And have YOU done anything to break that cycle? - to show someone that you have noticed their work, knowing that there have been times in your life when you wished someone would have noticed yours?
I would challenge everyone - like my friend Kristian unknowingly challenged me - to break the cycle and express your gratitude for a job well done. It doesn't cost you anything, and the happiness on someones face in reaction to you noticing their hard work is truly priceless.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
il dolce far niente - The Sweetness of Doing Nothing
I've been in Florida a week now, and I can say I've accomplished a lot, and also next to nothing, haha! But what I decided to do this morning surprised even me - I decided to wake up and cook breakfast for myself, and then lounge around and casually surf the internet. il dolce far niente <3
I thought about this as I sat down and looked at my plate of food. It's delicious, filled with fried potatoes, poached eggs and fresh apples with some chai tea, and I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love", and it's an amazing feeling.
I have nothing specific to do today, no where to go and no one to see, and because of that, I'm going to take my time. Far too often I rush around and try to fit too many things into my day, because I think "You only live once!" It's true, you do, but why live life in such a frantic rush that the little things pass you by? The little things in life are the things that if you stop and really think about them, make life worth living. A hug, a compliment, a great dinner, the smell of fresh cut grass, being in the presence of friends, laughter, amazing memories. Those are a few of the things I know I don't take enough time to appreciate, and it's time I did. With this new life in Florida, I plan on taking a little time each week to just sit and enjoy something, while doing nothing.
I thought about this as I sat down and looked at my plate of food. It's delicious, filled with fried potatoes, poached eggs and fresh apples with some chai tea, and I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love", and it's an amazing feeling.
I have nothing specific to do today, no where to go and no one to see, and because of that, I'm going to take my time. Far too often I rush around and try to fit too many things into my day, because I think "You only live once!" It's true, you do, but why live life in such a frantic rush that the little things pass you by? The little things in life are the things that if you stop and really think about them, make life worth living. A hug, a compliment, a great dinner, the smell of fresh cut grass, being in the presence of friends, laughter, amazing memories. Those are a few of the things I know I don't take enough time to appreciate, and it's time I did. With this new life in Florida, I plan on taking a little time each week to just sit and enjoy something, while doing nothing.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Through My Lense 2
This weeks installment! In the last week I went to SeaWorld with the love of my life, I made some fantastic food, finished watching the first season of "Game of Thrones", developed a new hobby (or 2...), drove across 5 states & stayed the night in the French Quarter in New Orleans, had a "reunion" of sorts of a lot of my really good friends, finally got to my new job, laid on the beach, and had deep conversation with some amazing people.
These are some of my pics from the last week...
These are some of my pics from the last week...
I've been planning to do a picture frame like this one for FOREVER! I was even saving the bottle caps for a LONG time, and then I found them! So while I was home, I decided it was time to make the proper use of them for the purpose they were created! Hurray for finishing a crafty project that I planned to start (6 years later... haha!)
So, you wonder what these are don't you? I call them "Girl Scout Cookie Cupcakes." They're authentic, made with real girl scouts! HAHA! J/k! But seriously - they're made with girl scout cookies. The back ones are a french vanilla cupcake topped with Samoas, and the front ones are Thin Mints (which also have thin mints baked into the batter of a french vanilla cupcake). SUPER YUMMY!!! <3
Saturday's breakfast: Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, maple sausage and coffee. My boyfriend ALWAYS asks that I make these every time I'm around on a weekend, they're a favorite, and SIMPLE! Take a packed of Hungry Jack pancake mix (really any pancake mix works), add a little milk, a little water, and replace the rest of the water with apple cinnamon apple sauce until you like the consistancy of the pancakes! Be careful not to burn them tho, the sugar in the apple sauce makes them burn faster!
Habibi and I saw this at Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's PERFECT for me, very modern looking, and centered around traveling. LOVE IT!
Sunday's Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs, Rosmary Potatoes, and 12 Grain Toast topped with Pistachio Honey Butter and fresh fruit! YUMMY!
One of my new hobbies: Bezel Bracelets!! I love them, and I'm considering starting an Etsy shop and selling them online... not only would they give me a creative outlet, but I could make a little money doing something I love!!
Habibi and I went to SeaWorld with his roommate and his g/f - we had a blast! This is the picture of the set for one of the shows that we watched - it was SO CUTE! Very "slapstick" comedy like, but the animals were so well trained it was like you didn't even notice the cheesy comedy! Just adorable animals and a cute story! We had a good laugh!
One of my favorite views in America: The St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter, New Orleans. Everytime I'm in NOLA, I go to Cafe du Monde and buy a large Cafe au Lait and some Beignet and sit across from the Cathedral, covering myself in powdered sugar and enjoying the sight of beautiful architecture.
My Cafe au Lait & delicious beignet!
My hotel room at Hotel Provincial in the French Quarter. Apparently, this building of the hotel is haunted - but I didn't really have any problems. If my room was haunted, it left me alone!
That sign says "Florida" on it. And that, my friends, it a beautiful thing.
************************************
That's that! Part of my last week in picture! I like doing this I think - I believe I'm going to keep trying to stick with this series every Monday! Til next time!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Through My Lense
I have so many pictures that I want to share, but I'll only put them up a few at a time...
Me, getting ready to go out Salsa Dancing with my good friend Josie, in Spokane, WA. My hair normally isn't that "BIG" - but I thought it would be fun to spice up my look a bit, and I loved it!
Inside of Rosa's Cafe, San Angelo, TX. I had to take a picture of the decorative furniture. It felt like everything in that restaurant was a work of art, they didn't even need art on the walls, just the furniture! (and the food wasn't bad either!)
D-Ray's, San Angelo, TX. This was my favorite burger joint of all time in San Angelo! I went here several times with multiple friends so they could all experience the deliciousness that I did :)
This little Salt & Pepper Shaker that I found at Pier 1 Imports in San Antonio, TX is just ADORABLE! I think it would be so much fun to have lots of different salt & pepper shakers with all different themes to display during a different parties - like this one for a cookout :)
This.... is a direct result of the Dryer Goblins. As you can see, I have 5 socks, each with a different color ring on top. Cool. Thanks. I wonder what they do with the others?
I bought this dress off of Ebay, but I haven't actually had a reason to wear it yet :( It's cute tho!
*************************************************
And that is this weeks edition of "Through My Lense". Not all of these pictures have been taken in the last week, but my goal is to start a weekly "Through My Lense" every Monday of pictures that I have taken in the last week!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
We Are Not Trash
Over and over and over again I see, I hear, the same story...
"Last night 'Johnny' called me a whore"
"'Johnny' keeps telling me that I'm lying but I'm not"
"I don't feel comfortable being honest with Johnny, but I love him"
"I never told you before because I didn't want you to hate him, but Johnny hit me"
"Johnny is really a nice guy, he just can't control his temper and it's my fault."
"Johnny is drinking again, but it's ok, he says he wont get too drunk this time"
"Johnny has some personal issues to work out, but I'll wait on him"
"My bestfriend said they saw Johnny with some girl. I don't believe that, I trust him."
"Johnny said that I am a fat, lazy, ungrateful "C-word". I know he didn't mean it."
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US WOMEN!?!?! Since when did it become ok to hit, push, make fun of, talk down to, belittle or berate ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN, and WHY THE HELL are we taking it, practially with a smile on our faces?!? Far too many of my friends are faithfully standing by their man - a man that would NEVER faithfully stand by them, except to save face. What? Do we think we aren't worth being treated like platinum? We don't deserve to be showered with adoration and love? We don't deserve a 'good guy'? Or is it that we feel like we are nurturing those sick bastards by standing by them and showing them what real love is? That "he will change some day. I know he loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it. He just can't let go of his past. But things will change, he told me they would get better, he just needs time. I'm sure after this next talk we have, THIS TIME, everything will be different." WHO THE HELL ARE YOU FOOLING?!?! You really think after this NEXT talk, that things will finally click?!? That after the last 20 talks, everything will make sense after talk #21?!? Trust me sister, if things were going to change, they would have changed after talk #3. 3 strikes & you're OUT homeboy. 'Nuff said. How much sense does the following model make?:
Realize the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
...
...
Be honest with yourself. It doesn't. It makes no sense at all. I realized this the hard way... I was in a bad relationship too. I stayed because I hoped things would change, that he would see how hard I worked to make him happy, to change myself to "help him love me". I became someone I wasn't proud of, but was dying for a morsel of attention, affection, and love so much so that I was willing to do nearly anything for a compliment. I stayed through the name calling, through the depression, through the degradation. I stayed when my friends told me to leave..."One more shot," I would say, "I KNOW that this next time he'll know I'm serious, that I'm leaving if he won't love me the way I deserve." And then I would stay and wait for the "change" that he would promise... that would never occur. I was naive, full of hopes and dreams that the guy that I offered the chance to, the one that everyone said wasn't worth my time, would stand up with me to the world and prove them all wrong. I wasn't about to be the one that was wrong - after defying my family, losing friends and alienating those that had stood by me my whole life, I COULDN'T be wrong....
But I was.
I allowed myself to go through Hell. And I willingly chose to stay. I knew I was better than the treatment I received. I knew he treated me like shit. His own FAMILY told me he treated me like shit, but I stayed, b/c I had faith in him, and I didn't want to be wrong. I had the talks. I made the threats. I gave ultimatums. And in the end, years later, while I watch my friends go through the same drama, giving me the same responses that I gave them, I wonder.... why did I stay? Did I say those things? Did I sound THAT desperate? B/c all of the answers that they're giving me, SUCK. My friends know they suck, I know they suck, I TELL them that they suck, they agree that they suck. BUT THEY STILL GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWERS. (This is coming from multiple friends, btw.)
I did learn some very valuable life lessons though.
Life Lesson #1
The saying "No man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry," is bullshit. The man that is worth your tears will make you cry. He will say/do things that will make you sad. The difference between a man that is and isn't worth your tears is that the man that IS worth your tears will see you crying, wipe the tears away, and make it so you never have to cry about that problem again.
Life Lesson #2
If "The Talk" doesn't work after Talk #3 - it's not EVER going to work. After that, it's nothing more than "nagging" - which men refuse to realize that if they would either a) just do what they promised (walk the dog, pick up some milk, pay the phone bill, etc)
b) do what they should do, regardless (put the toilet seat down, take dishes to the sink)
c) *something of the like
women wouldn't repeat themselves, and they would be "nag" free.
Life Lesson #3
Staying doesn't make you the better person, it only makes you look like a martyr. And when you kill yourself day in and day out for someone that doesn't deserve it, it only makes you look like an idiot and a complete fool. Don't degrade yourself to that level. Show a little self respect and walk away when it is warrented.
Life Lesson #4
If you are beyond miserable, you need to remember - there IS a happiness out there, somewhere, and this ISN'T it. But I will say one thing, you REALLY appreciate the little things in a relationship after going through hell and back. B/c when it used to be that you were grateful for everyday that went by without being called a whore, without being degraded or talked down to, without being hit or making him angry - after you leave - its AMAZING how grateful you are for the little things. I am grateful everytime my boyfriend opens my car door, everytime he pulls out my chair, and everytime he says "I Love You." I'm grateful that he never yells, I'm grateful for EVERY SECOND that we cuddle together, when he is willing to buy my favorite wine & sip it & watch a movie with me, and when he compliments me. I have never had more things to be grateful for in my life, because I have stared into hell, experienced it, and walked away.
Please, women of the 90's and the Millenium - STOP ALLOWING YOURSELVES TO BE WALKED ON. LEARN FROM OTHERS MISTAKES, AND LEARN FROM YOUR OWN. And NEVER say "It wont happen to me." Because it can. And if it is...
Swallow your pride and admit it: You were wrong.
Stop celebrating the baby steps that he makes to shut you up and later digresses.
Stand up for yourself once and for all and lay it all down on the table.
If you continue to be treated like shit, LEAVE. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
"Last night 'Johnny' called me a whore"
"'Johnny' keeps telling me that I'm lying but I'm not"
"I don't feel comfortable being honest with Johnny, but I love him"
"I never told you before because I didn't want you to hate him, but Johnny hit me"
"Johnny is really a nice guy, he just can't control his temper and it's my fault."
"Johnny is drinking again, but it's ok, he says he wont get too drunk this time"
"Johnny has some personal issues to work out, but I'll wait on him"
"My bestfriend said they saw Johnny with some girl. I don't believe that, I trust him."
"Johnny said that I am a fat, lazy, ungrateful "C-word". I know he didn't mean it."
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US WOMEN!?!?! Since when did it become ok to hit, push, make fun of, talk down to, belittle or berate ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN, and WHY THE HELL are we taking it, practially with a smile on our faces?!? Far too many of my friends are faithfully standing by their man - a man that would NEVER faithfully stand by them, except to save face. What? Do we think we aren't worth being treated like platinum? We don't deserve to be showered with adoration and love? We don't deserve a 'good guy'? Or is it that we feel like we are nurturing those sick bastards by standing by them and showing them what real love is? That "he will change some day. I know he loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it. He just can't let go of his past. But things will change, he told me they would get better, he just needs time. I'm sure after this next talk we have, THIS TIME, everything will be different." WHO THE HELL ARE YOU FOOLING?!?! You really think after this NEXT talk, that things will finally click?!? That after the last 20 talks, everything will make sense after talk #21?!? Trust me sister, if things were going to change, they would have changed after talk #3. 3 strikes & you're OUT homeboy. 'Nuff said. How much sense does the following model make?:
Realize the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
...
...
Be honest with yourself. It doesn't. It makes no sense at all. I realized this the hard way... I was in a bad relationship too. I stayed because I hoped things would change, that he would see how hard I worked to make him happy, to change myself to "help him love me". I became someone I wasn't proud of, but was dying for a morsel of attention, affection, and love so much so that I was willing to do nearly anything for a compliment. I stayed through the name calling, through the depression, through the degradation. I stayed when my friends told me to leave..."One more shot," I would say, "I KNOW that this next time he'll know I'm serious, that I'm leaving if he won't love me the way I deserve." And then I would stay and wait for the "change" that he would promise... that would never occur. I was naive, full of hopes and dreams that the guy that I offered the chance to, the one that everyone said wasn't worth my time, would stand up with me to the world and prove them all wrong. I wasn't about to be the one that was wrong - after defying my family, losing friends and alienating those that had stood by me my whole life, I COULDN'T be wrong....
But I was.
I allowed myself to go through Hell. And I willingly chose to stay. I knew I was better than the treatment I received. I knew he treated me like shit. His own FAMILY told me he treated me like shit, but I stayed, b/c I had faith in him, and I didn't want to be wrong. I had the talks. I made the threats. I gave ultimatums. And in the end, years later, while I watch my friends go through the same drama, giving me the same responses that I gave them, I wonder.... why did I stay? Did I say those things? Did I sound THAT desperate? B/c all of the answers that they're giving me, SUCK. My friends know they suck, I know they suck, I TELL them that they suck, they agree that they suck. BUT THEY STILL GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWERS. (This is coming from multiple friends, btw.)
I did learn some very valuable life lessons though.
Life Lesson #1
The saying "No man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry," is bullshit. The man that is worth your tears will make you cry. He will say/do things that will make you sad. The difference between a man that is and isn't worth your tears is that the man that IS worth your tears will see you crying, wipe the tears away, and make it so you never have to cry about that problem again.
Life Lesson #2
If "The Talk" doesn't work after Talk #3 - it's not EVER going to work. After that, it's nothing more than "nagging" - which men refuse to realize that if they would either a) just do what they promised (walk the dog, pick up some milk, pay the phone bill, etc)
b) do what they should do, regardless (put the toilet seat down, take dishes to the sink)
c) *something of the like
women wouldn't repeat themselves, and they would be "nag" free.
Life Lesson #3
Staying doesn't make you the better person, it only makes you look like a martyr. And when you kill yourself day in and day out for someone that doesn't deserve it, it only makes you look like an idiot and a complete fool. Don't degrade yourself to that level. Show a little self respect and walk away when it is warrented.
Life Lesson #4
If you are beyond miserable, you need to remember - there IS a happiness out there, somewhere, and this ISN'T it. But I will say one thing, you REALLY appreciate the little things in a relationship after going through hell and back. B/c when it used to be that you were grateful for everyday that went by without being called a whore, without being degraded or talked down to, without being hit or making him angry - after you leave - its AMAZING how grateful you are for the little things. I am grateful everytime my boyfriend opens my car door, everytime he pulls out my chair, and everytime he says "I Love You." I'm grateful that he never yells, I'm grateful for EVERY SECOND that we cuddle together, when he is willing to buy my favorite wine & sip it & watch a movie with me, and when he compliments me. I have never had more things to be grateful for in my life, because I have stared into hell, experienced it, and walked away.
Please, women of the 90's and the Millenium - STOP ALLOWING YOURSELVES TO BE WALKED ON. LEARN FROM OTHERS MISTAKES, AND LEARN FROM YOUR OWN. And NEVER say "It wont happen to me." Because it can. And if it is...
Swallow your pride and admit it: You were wrong.
Stop celebrating the baby steps that he makes to shut you up and later digresses.
Stand up for yourself once and for all and lay it all down on the table.
If you continue to be treated like shit, LEAVE. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Fixing Friendships
Today, I realized how far away I've allowed myself to get, from my family and my friends and a lot of people that I have cared about in the past, even those that have made an large impact and continue to make an impact in my life, regardless of their active presence or not. I have allowed friendships to die and people to fade out of my life that have genuinely shaped me into the person that I am, in good ways, and it makes me sad. This is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and since I've been home on vacation, I've pondered it quite a bit... Why do we allow people to just disappear from our contact lists, our phone books, our "friends" list? Are those people unimportant? Do they have nothing to offer us anymore, nothing they can give to us that we can use to our advantage? Can we no longer help them, aid them, listen to them? Are we too busy, too caught up, too selfish? Are we avoiding them, or avoiding being honest with ourselves? Do we avoid them because we are ashamed of the answers that we have to give to their questions, or because we have no idea what we would say to them? Or are we too lazy to take the time to write that letter, that email, or even a text message? Do we care just enough to "Facebook Stalk" them, but not enough to tell we actually pay attention - and therefore are just nosey? What would we say, how much time would this interaction take? How do we change so much, that we no longer feel that we need our friends? We are not an island, each of us to ourselves, because regardless of what anyone says, we really are all connected. Haven't you ever had one of those "It's a small world, huh?" situations? We are punishing ourselves as a society by secluding ourselves and giving ourselves such a limited support system of 3 or 4 close friends, that we feel it has nearly become manditory to survive strictly on our own, with no help from others - so much so that we have begun to alienate not only our friends, but sometimes our own families and spouses! Why?!?! Is it THAT important to be seen as a self-propelled force in our world today? The answer is yes, it is. It's so important that people prove that they can make it on their own, that they can look out for Number #1, that they themselves make every effort to stick out as THE shining diamond in the rough, to take all the credit, or to beat their brains senseless - undertaking a 5-man project all on their own, just to prove their worth or possibly outshine other groups, or maybe, just because they want things done THEIR way and dont want to share the responsibilities.
I have news for you... you can't do it alone.
Too many times, people try to go it alone. Wrestling with their own problems, day in and day out, it's become even difficult for people to reach out for help from those people in a service position. Therapists, doctors, friends... I've seen too many people recently that want to "do it on their own", to "fix themselves", to "change their lifestyle" without consulting additional facts and without asking for help. Or even worse, ignoring the issues all together, like they don't even exist. WHY!?!? If there is an elephant in the room - you can't just stare right through it! We were made as social beings - it's in our DNA, in the very essence of being human. We aren't meant to do it alone, we aren't supposed to... so why try? Why do we leave friends in the dust that have been good to us, loyal, honest and sincere - only to "keep up with them" on Facebook by doing nothing more than checking their status messages? If that constitutes a friend in your book, I weep for you. Have we really become that lazy and self absorbed that we can't take a little time to ask about friend of ours, be interested in their lives, or be there for them?
Today (and yesterday), as a continued effort to move forward with a quest I challenged myself to on January 1st - I reconnected with some people that I shouldn't have lost touch with, and it felt good. They were friends from both High School and College, and even some family members. I missed them. I missed hearing their stories and it really hit me how much I had been absent for in their lives. Wow. And I know they aren't the only ones. What kind of a friend can I call myself if I don't even know what's going on in the lives of others around me? At times it was awkward, sometimes there were silences, sometimes I realized that I was talking too much about myself in an effort to catch up or reconnect. But I decided, that's okay. I felt a little sheepish, I felt exposed, and I felt a little antsy - but I expected that. Besides, if I hadn't allowed such a canyon to form between us, such uncomfortablness wouldn't have existed anyway. Some people would argue, "What? So you have to make all the effort? They haven't tried to contact you either! Why are you taking it upon yourself to rebuild past/lost/stressed/forgotten/faded friendships? It takes 2 to tango! They didn't care about you either!" And my response to that argument is simple - I am responsible for my own actions, and I can not force others to act. I am taking the blame and responsibilty for my part in any friendship that has faded and I will happily step forward if it means regaining a good friend again. I will lay down my pride and stop expecting others to come to me - if these people were once that important to me, I will stop playing the Blame Game and put the effort in to fix what needs fixed. I can not hold others accountable for my actions in allowing my friendships to diminish, but I can hold MYSELF accountable, and so instead of passing blame (like so many people nowadays do), I will step forward and reclaim friendships that should have never been lost.
I don't have to talk to them once a day, or once a week, maybe not even once a month. But I hope that from now on, I wont wait 3 or 4 years, and in some cases 7 years, before I contact these people again, and others. I refuse to burn bridges, but that doesn't mean I can just leave them to digress into disrepair. I will continue to repair what I have left in the shadows of my life, and I'm looking forward to rebuilding what I never expected to have deteriorated.
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold."
I have news for you... you can't do it alone.
Too many times, people try to go it alone. Wrestling with their own problems, day in and day out, it's become even difficult for people to reach out for help from those people in a service position. Therapists, doctors, friends... I've seen too many people recently that want to "do it on their own", to "fix themselves", to "change their lifestyle" without consulting additional facts and without asking for help. Or even worse, ignoring the issues all together, like they don't even exist. WHY!?!? If there is an elephant in the room - you can't just stare right through it! We were made as social beings - it's in our DNA, in the very essence of being human. We aren't meant to do it alone, we aren't supposed to... so why try? Why do we leave friends in the dust that have been good to us, loyal, honest and sincere - only to "keep up with them" on Facebook by doing nothing more than checking their status messages? If that constitutes a friend in your book, I weep for you. Have we really become that lazy and self absorbed that we can't take a little time to ask about friend of ours, be interested in their lives, or be there for them?
Today (and yesterday), as a continued effort to move forward with a quest I challenged myself to on January 1st - I reconnected with some people that I shouldn't have lost touch with, and it felt good. They were friends from both High School and College, and even some family members. I missed them. I missed hearing their stories and it really hit me how much I had been absent for in their lives. Wow. And I know they aren't the only ones. What kind of a friend can I call myself if I don't even know what's going on in the lives of others around me? At times it was awkward, sometimes there were silences, sometimes I realized that I was talking too much about myself in an effort to catch up or reconnect. But I decided, that's okay. I felt a little sheepish, I felt exposed, and I felt a little antsy - but I expected that. Besides, if I hadn't allowed such a canyon to form between us, such uncomfortablness wouldn't have existed anyway. Some people would argue, "What? So you have to make all the effort? They haven't tried to contact you either! Why are you taking it upon yourself to rebuild past/lost/stressed/forgotten/faded friendships? It takes 2 to tango! They didn't care about you either!" And my response to that argument is simple - I am responsible for my own actions, and I can not force others to act. I am taking the blame and responsibilty for my part in any friendship that has faded and I will happily step forward if it means regaining a good friend again. I will lay down my pride and stop expecting others to come to me - if these people were once that important to me, I will stop playing the Blame Game and put the effort in to fix what needs fixed. I can not hold others accountable for my actions in allowing my friendships to diminish, but I can hold MYSELF accountable, and so instead of passing blame (like so many people nowadays do), I will step forward and reclaim friendships that should have never been lost.
I don't have to talk to them once a day, or once a week, maybe not even once a month. But I hope that from now on, I wont wait 3 or 4 years, and in some cases 7 years, before I contact these people again, and others. I refuse to burn bridges, but that doesn't mean I can just leave them to digress into disrepair. I will continue to repair what I have left in the shadows of my life, and I'm looking forward to rebuilding what I never expected to have deteriorated.
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold."
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Where Have All The Morals Gone?
I have noticed a growing number of things in our society that have been troubling me, as well as many other people my own age. We have so few morals anymore, so much lack of respect, not just for people older than us - which is actually an opposite issue - but just for other people. Our government is TERRIBLE, full of people that are out for nothing more than themselves and re-election. It's sickening to me. People of higher stature, instead of helping others out and using their positions for good, they push nothing more than their own agenda - hardly listening to the people and what they really want, and walking on others to get to the top. Where we are going as a country isn't even a road paved with good intentions, we can't even disguise it as that anymore.
I remember within the last 20 years that when something happened to your neighbor or colleage, that you would visit them, send them your condolences, make a covered dish for their family, do SOMETHING that showed that you cared or were concerned... I can't remember the last time I saw a kind gesture like that out of someone. We don't even THINK to do it, just send them a card or some flowers and call your duty done.
What happened to the times when people would be taken under the wing of another, when people were willing to fight for others out of moral obligation rather than run away b/c they're worried about getting caught in the cross-fire? What happened to mentoring people as a social obligation instead of being something that's for young kids in troubled neighborhoods or church groups? When people could take constructive criticism, or when people had some freaking tact in what they said or did so as not to offend others...
The selfishness of our society now adays astounds me. I cant even begin to explain how I feel about relationships, marriages, siblings, friends...this is just about society in general. IDK, maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I don't understand when people are mean for no reason, or for personal and selfish gain. There is no greater happiness than knowing you have given happiness to another. There is nothing more fufilling than knowing that anothers happiness began with a nice thing that you did or a compliment that you gave. For some reason, people now seem to think that their happiness starts and ends with "self". MySELF, yourSELF.... it's all about self. Why can't we just think of others?
I remember within the last 20 years that when something happened to your neighbor or colleage, that you would visit them, send them your condolences, make a covered dish for their family, do SOMETHING that showed that you cared or were concerned... I can't remember the last time I saw a kind gesture like that out of someone. We don't even THINK to do it, just send them a card or some flowers and call your duty done.
What happened to the times when people would be taken under the wing of another, when people were willing to fight for others out of moral obligation rather than run away b/c they're worried about getting caught in the cross-fire? What happened to mentoring people as a social obligation instead of being something that's for young kids in troubled neighborhoods or church groups? When people could take constructive criticism, or when people had some freaking tact in what they said or did so as not to offend others...
The selfishness of our society now adays astounds me. I cant even begin to explain how I feel about relationships, marriages, siblings, friends...this is just about society in general. IDK, maybe I'm just a dreamer, but I don't understand when people are mean for no reason, or for personal and selfish gain. There is no greater happiness than knowing you have given happiness to another. There is nothing more fufilling than knowing that anothers happiness began with a nice thing that you did or a compliment that you gave. For some reason, people now seem to think that their happiness starts and ends with "self". MySELF, yourSELF.... it's all about self. Why can't we just think of others?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Good Intentions & Blogging
"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."
Funny how true that is, however, this is not about a trip that I'm making to a warm place, lol!
It seems as tho that every time that I come up with a cool idea, instead of putting it into my blog, I just think it would be best to make a new blog, haha! I currently have 4 blogs, only 3 of them are kept up on a semi-constant basis. In order to be a real blogger tho, I"m gonna have to step up my game!! LOL!
2 of my blog are about food. WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT?!?! I'm not, but considering that I want to write about something I currently cant really do (cook, etc.), it makes keeping that blog updated more difficult. HOWEVER! I have aquired for myself a pumpkin, or which I am going to make seasoned pumpkin seeds from an article in the newest version of "Food Network Magazine". CAN'T WAIT!
I miss cooking from scratch tho... a lot. Living in the military dorms is KILLING ME, slowly. I mean, seriously. I doubt these carpets have been shampooed in YEARS, maybe decades, the internet provided for us through first generation internet wiring (AWFUL connection), I don't think I've ever NOT sneezed in a building here, and when I first got to this base, there was a sign on the wall above my bed that said "Do Not Touch Ceiling. Asbestos." W.T.F. - YUCK. I don't blame the people that work for the military, I just blame the military. That's all. Yay for 3 1/2 more years left on my contract!!!..... *whince*
Anyways! I plan on deleting one of my blogs, not that anyone REALLY reads my posts, haha! But someday... they might! I should have a kitchen of my own again in the next year *praying* and I will be cooking up a STORM then!
**HURRAY!!!**
Funny how true that is, however, this is not about a trip that I'm making to a warm place, lol!
It seems as tho that every time that I come up with a cool idea, instead of putting it into my blog, I just think it would be best to make a new blog, haha! I currently have 4 blogs, only 3 of them are kept up on a semi-constant basis. In order to be a real blogger tho, I"m gonna have to step up my game!! LOL!
2 of my blog are about food. WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT THAT?!?! I'm not, but considering that I want to write about something I currently cant really do (cook, etc.), it makes keeping that blog updated more difficult. HOWEVER! I have aquired for myself a pumpkin, or which I am going to make seasoned pumpkin seeds from an article in the newest version of "Food Network Magazine". CAN'T WAIT!
I miss cooking from scratch tho... a lot. Living in the military dorms is KILLING ME, slowly. I mean, seriously. I doubt these carpets have been shampooed in YEARS, maybe decades, the internet provided for us through first generation internet wiring (AWFUL connection), I don't think I've ever NOT sneezed in a building here, and when I first got to this base, there was a sign on the wall above my bed that said "Do Not Touch Ceiling. Asbestos." W.T.F. - YUCK. I don't blame the people that work for the military, I just blame the military. That's all. Yay for 3 1/2 more years left on my contract!!!..... *whince*
Anyways! I plan on deleting one of my blogs, not that anyone REALLY reads my posts, haha! But someday... they might! I should have a kitchen of my own again in the next year *praying* and I will be cooking up a STORM then!
**HURRAY!!!**
Sunday, September 4, 2011
What Do YOU Love?
My most recent "Deep Thought" was on love, and I would really like to share it with everyone.
If you think about it, every great crime in history, can stem back to love. Maybe not the romantic love that everyone wants to associate the word with, but sometimes a type of devotion that supercedes what a romantic love would be in such a case. Hitler loved the Aryan race, so much so that he would have left entire ethnic groups as nothing more than pages in a history book. Some African countries have left their own tribes on the verge of genocide for the love of a certain particular group. Women have killed for love. Men have killed for women. Love of power, love of money, love of freedom, love of drugs, love of greed, love of self.... in the end, love really is what makes the world go round, what turns the pages and what drives us mad.
I thought of this after watching several "sappy chick flicks" that reminded me of how much love really matters, and after suffering from a break up (and reunion) of the most wonderful man I could choose to spend the rest of my life with (tho it hasn't been officially talked about yet, lol) i got to thinking about love. In the movie, a grandfather is giving his grandson advice on love. In the end, what the grandfather said that mattered most was not beauty or intelligence, but companionship. The quote from the movie stated "There are only 2 ways to know if she is your real companion. You either know it when you meet her, or know it when you lose her." I suppose the same thing goes with women, you either know that he is your "Penguin" - that special someone that you don't want to live without, when you meet him, or when he's no longer there. Through my break up, I realized something. I always knew that he was "the one" since that first full night that we spent getting to know eachother. It took him "losing me" (or breaking up with me) to realize that he didn't want to be without me. It doesn't matter to me that he broke up with me now, only that he realized that he doesn't want to be without me. He's my companion. When we broke up, I felt alone - literally, like I had lost my companion. I never want to be without him, he means that much to me.
But the topic of love got me thinking. I genuinely believe that everyone is born good. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone wants to give love. It is through our life experiences and circumstances that cause us to misconstrue what love is, take advantage of it, abuse it, mistreat it, and sometimes kill for it, lie for it, steal for it and die for it.
Hate groups are centered around an external aspect. But what is the core of it all? Do people who are homophobic really HATE homosexuals? I would say that isn't where their intentions lie. I think that they are so blinded by their love of a "typical" or "normal" or "heterosexual" relationship, maybe their religion even, to accept what is considered "love" to someone of a same-sex relationship or sexual orientation. Do racial hate groups like the KKK the Black Panthers (tho originally not intended to be a Hate group, was classifyed as an "internal security risk" by the government) or other such groups really HATE other races? Perhaps. Or is it a fear of the downfall of their race, or racial oppression, or a sincere love (of the devotion kind) of the people they share a kinship with that causes them to fear and press for crimes against others?
Some people say they "love love". Some people say they "need love" and some say they are "devoted" to you if they love you. According to Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs, love and a sense of belonging are needs, just after air, food, water, shelter, clothing and safety. It is that next step that must take place before all of the rest of a persons psychological foundations can be built, a foundation for the next steps of development and personality. Following that need come the things that literally make a person who they are, such as self-esteem, respect, confidence, morality, creativity, and lack of prejudice. If you lack love of something, anything really, you can not progress. Depending upon what that love is based, is what will shape the rest of a persons existence.
What if that love is based in a street gang? To those that belong to a street gang, they would call it their family, they are those that they love. The gang is the code that they live by, if they don't have parents they could be close to, or siblings, the next best thing is a gang. It is by their morals that you are raised, their morals that you live, and die. If the gang can provide you with your basic needs, food, water, clothing, shelter, and give you security, it is with them that you will love. So based upon that love, it is from there that you will pull your self esteem, your confidence, and your respect, which is the 4th step in the Heirarchy, your Esteem. Following that step a person will find their self-actualization, or the 5th step, being morality, creativity, problem solving, and acceptance of the facts. If the fact is that the gang is all you have, then that is what your entire pyramid is based upon.
Of course, this model doesn't work for every situation. This is only one point that I would like to make - "Love is where your allegiance lies" - or maybe even, "Where your allegiance lies is where you have found love". It is where you have found something, according to your circumstances, that you can devote yourself to.
What about killing? What about death? What about wars? Could America say that our "War on Terror" is based upon the desire to eradicate terrorists in order to preserve freedom - but could we also just base it upon a love for freedom? We in America live our entire lives based upon the first amendment rights to all types of "God Given Freedoms". Is it really a hate for terrorism, or does that hate stem from nothing more than a love of freedom and our desire to share that and ensure that others have that opportunity?
Love of freedom. Some people exercise that right everyday. How many times have you heard "Freedom of speech" or "it's a free country" as an exuse for someone to be rude or tactless. Do they really love freedom of speech? Or really, do they love the power that they have to speak freely to others, no holding back, no reason for tact, no regards. Do they love freedom of speech, or do they really just love themselves more than they love others, so therefore they don't care who they offend? And after that, do they "love themselves" too much to hold their tounge and demand they speak their minds? Or do they love the power that "freedom of speech" gives them?
In which some cases could be that when one genuinely stops at "love of freedom", another would progress to "love of self", and yet another to "love of power". This in itself is why some people would call America's campaign against terrorism as a "Love of Freedom" and others as a "Power Trip". Does America love freedom? Or Does America love power?
Is it clear yet what I am getting at? Love is not just a one way track. Love is more like a maze. There is one way in, and one way out. But depending on the direction that you turn, you will either make it to the other side with a real, wholesome love, or hit a wall and never find your way out. Who is to say that one love is better than another? Who is to say that love of power is less than an agape love of another person. It is each according to ones perspective.
What I am finally trying to get at is that love is not just a deep, romantic, emotional attachment to someone, but it can have other meanings as well. Love is devotion. Love is a need, and Love is truly blind.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Integrity
Who can say that they are person of integrity?
It turns out that not everyone has the same idea of what integrity is, so I would like to share my views of this, if I may...
in·teg·ri·ty
[in-teg-ri-tee]
noun
1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.
3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.
Integrity simply means that you hold yourself to a moral standard. ADHERENCE to it. Lets check to see what that means, shall we?
ad·her·ence
[ad-heer-uh
ns, -her-]
ns, -her-] noun
1. the quality of adhering; steady devotion, support, allegiance, or attachment: adherence to a party; rigid adherence to rules.
If you're devoted to something, that means that no one is forcing you to do it. Devotion is an act of selflessness, you can be devoted to your husband or wife, your kids, your job, your God, your boyfriend or girlfriend. You could be devoted to your love of cooking! All this means is that if you are devoted to something, you would put that thing first. In this case, if adhering to something is a matter or devotion or selfless giving, and integrity is an adherence to a moral code and honesty, that means that if you were to be a person of integrity, that you would willingly devote yourself to a moral code and stick with it (that's why it's called ADHE-sive - it sticks ;) (OH how I love languages....sometimes).
Integrity, it seems, is then an act of self. Integrity is keeping yourself in check. Integrity is knowing the wrong thing, and not doing it - or even REALIZING that you're doing the wrong thing, and ending your actions of it. Integrity is - lets say - not underage drinking because you know it's wrong. It doesn't matter if you get caught or not - because Integrity is KNOWING the wrong thing - and not doing it, regardless of if you are going to be rewarded or not.
I'm not saying that I am a virtuous, pious, or perfect human being that is worth of worship and praise. I am, however, saying that I try as often as I can, to have Integrity, ESPECIALLY where it counts. If it is LITERALLY against the law, do not expect to find me doing it. If it means that someone is going to get hurt, emotionally or physically, because of actions that I do or don't take, I will try my damnedest to keep someone from suffering. I've come to a better realization of what this means since I've joined the Air Force, and the longer I stay at DLI, the more I come to appreciate what Integrity is, and how I now portray that image. I don't drink and drive, I don't do drugs, I don't buy for people underage, because doing one, or all, of those things will end up hurting someone, if not me, then my family, or my friends.
That's what Integrity means to me. I hold MYSELF to a standard. My Integrity is not dependent on others, what others do or how much better I am than them. There have been times in my life when I have been without Integrity, and I'm sure in the future there will be times when it slips. But in the end....
It takes 20 years to build a reputation, and 5 minutes to tear it to pieces.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Cute Couples Make Me Sick
OK, I myself am guilty of being a "cute couple". When my boyfriend and I are together, we are adorable enough to make people want to puke. We talk in Dinosaur to eachother, we cuddle and kiss, we have pet names, we say "I Love You" all the time - we're nearly as perfect as a couple can be. We next to never fight, and if we argue then it lasts about 20 min before we come apologizing to eachother. We are the epitome of "cute".
Well, being in the military is a bitch, and my boyfriend isn't here anymore.
This presents a problem. Although I will see him sometime within the next 6 months...I will not see him whenever the hell I want. I wont get to text him when I want or go out to dinner when I want, or blah blah blah. On top of that, I QUIT SMOKING - which is making me pissy sometimes!!! I haven't told my parents yet b/c every day sucks when I'm bored and have nothing to do and just wanna go out and have one - and I can't tell them and end up failing at it. Boyfriend and I quit together tho - which means by going back on my word, i'm not only disappointing myself, but also him - which is also making me more accountable to NOT doing it. I know the guilt that I would have for even smoking one and either...
[[a) having to lie about it so he doesn't give up
or
b) having to tell him b/c I sucked at life and couldn't say no to tobacco]]
...would consume me - so therefore, knowing how bad the guild would be - even if I wanted one so bad I could club baby seals - I just can't start smoking again. Today is Day 5. *sigh*
It's also Day 5 w/o my boyfriend. Altho, I was plesantly surprised when he called me this morning and woke me up to talk to me while he was driving - it made me super happy b/c I was kinda feeling like I was the only one that wanted to call him and talk to eachother. (Having had issues with long distance relationships in the past - through no fault of my own - you could understand why I would be worried if my "other 1/2" seems to be faultering on the "lines of communication") But he has surprised me several times in the last few days - reminding me that even tho he's far away, he still cares A LOT about me and loves me just as much :)
So to all the cute couples out there - who I am jealous of b/c you are so cute and my boyfriend and I aren't together right now to ONE UP YOUR ASSES!!! - please be mindful that I miss "boyfriend" like crazy and can't wait to see him again. RAWR ON YOU ALL!!!!
Well, being in the military is a bitch, and my boyfriend isn't here anymore.
This presents a problem. Although I will see him sometime within the next 6 months...I will not see him whenever the hell I want. I wont get to text him when I want or go out to dinner when I want, or blah blah blah. On top of that, I QUIT SMOKING - which is making me pissy sometimes!!! I haven't told my parents yet b/c every day sucks when I'm bored and have nothing to do and just wanna go out and have one - and I can't tell them and end up failing at it. Boyfriend and I quit together tho - which means by going back on my word, i'm not only disappointing myself, but also him - which is also making me more accountable to NOT doing it. I know the guilt that I would have for even smoking one and either...
[[a) having to lie about it so he doesn't give up
or
b) having to tell him b/c I sucked at life and couldn't say no to tobacco]]
...would consume me - so therefore, knowing how bad the guild would be - even if I wanted one so bad I could club baby seals - I just can't start smoking again. Today is Day 5. *sigh*
It's also Day 5 w/o my boyfriend. Altho, I was plesantly surprised when he called me this morning and woke me up to talk to me while he was driving - it made me super happy b/c I was kinda feeling like I was the only one that wanted to call him and talk to eachother. (Having had issues with long distance relationships in the past - through no fault of my own - you could understand why I would be worried if my "other 1/2" seems to be faultering on the "lines of communication") But he has surprised me several times in the last few days - reminding me that even tho he's far away, he still cares A LOT about me and loves me just as much :)
So to all the cute couples out there - who I am jealous of b/c you are so cute and my boyfriend and I aren't together right now to ONE UP YOUR ASSES!!! - please be mindful that I miss "boyfriend" like crazy and can't wait to see him again. RAWR ON YOU ALL!!!!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
A Woman for President?...
As of recent times, in the last 10 years, we have seen a change in our society. Women's roles in positions that require strong leadership qualities have increased more and more, not only in business, but also in national and international politics. Strong women have shown the world what we as females can be, what we can do, and how our input into society can strengthen us as a whole.
Condolezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, Nancy Reagan - all strong women that represent a variety of difficult positions that women have filled - UN Ambassadors, First Lady, Secretary of State. These are women that not only hold their homes together, take care of children AND handle major roles that not only aid in the welfare of our country (or even the world), but also push the glass ceiling a little higher. There's that LAST frontier for American women tho - the Vice/Presidency.
Several women have attempted and dropped out early on, but the question remains, when will a woman occupy one of the top 2 positions in the country? My answer - when a deserving candidate can stand up and earn the spot.
I felt that in the last election the only reason that Sarah Palin was chosen for the Vice President candidacy was that the Republican party was trying to pick up the "Women's Vote" - ie. - the people that were only going to be voting for Hillary because she was a woman. Since Hillary was knocked out of the race by Obama, the then most deserving, endearing woman that they could find was Mrs. Palin - the mother of a handicapped son, pregnant daughter and who ran the state of Alaska. (This is in NO WAY slamming on her family, but the facts are the facts) Not only is she endearing - being a mother, wife and strong female figure in government, but she does it with flare and a style all her own. It was obvious that she would be a front lines activist for the rights of handicapped people, against abortion, pro-sex education, and support strong family values, as well as gun rights because these are all things that have made a personal impact in her life.
However, I would like to make the point that
"Law is reason free from passion" - Aristotle
That does not mean that you can should not have a passion for law, that it should be only the boring and mundane people of the world that practice law. You should have a passion for the work that you do, the people that you work for, the lives that you change. However, your passion should not have an effect on the outcome of the legal process. If it is written in stone, it is written in stone. No amount of tantrum throwing should change the outcome.
At times, I feel like that is what Sarah Palin is doing. Personally, I would call her "Tea Party" nothing more than a radical form of Republican. Whereas a traditional Republican represents conservative values - a "Tea Party Activist" displays Republican values in a radical way. We're not talking book burnings or violent rallies, but a theoretical "table flipping" - making a scene with words instead of actions - pointing out flaws in a manner that attempts to correct an individual publicly, at times using degrading words in an unprofessional quality.
I personally wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin because I'm not interested in "getting a woman to the White House." I want a competent individual with a strong AND sensible head on their shoulders, but not a person that appears to just want to walk in and turn the government upside-down. I want a person in office that is willing to work across party lines in order to accomplish the goals of everyone, not just the ruling party. I want flexibility in people stances, and the realization that an individuals emotional preferences should not be held as the main influencing factor to development of policy. People who want to outlaw abortion because it's against their religious values, or people that want to outlaw gay marriage because they aren't comfortable with it - need to stand on the other side of the fence and consider what that means for the people who's lives they are affecting. This is the type of passion that should NOT influence the law. Women more than men have an issue with this concept.
Until I see a woman run for office that is obviously able to put aside emotions and focus on the law and how it affects Americans as a whole, not just a group of them, I will vote for a man every time. I do not vote along party lines and I don't vote for people based on sex, religion, race, etc. I vote for someone because I see them as a representative of American values as a whole and an open minded person. When I see a woman that can be open minded, seperate emotions from politics, and not mudsling their way to the top - I'll vote for them.
Condolezza Rice, Hillary Clinton, Angelina Jolie, Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, Nancy Reagan - all strong women that represent a variety of difficult positions that women have filled - UN Ambassadors, First Lady, Secretary of State. These are women that not only hold their homes together, take care of children AND handle major roles that not only aid in the welfare of our country (or even the world), but also push the glass ceiling a little higher. There's that LAST frontier for American women tho - the Vice/Presidency.
Several women have attempted and dropped out early on, but the question remains, when will a woman occupy one of the top 2 positions in the country? My answer - when a deserving candidate can stand up and earn the spot.
I felt that in the last election the only reason that Sarah Palin was chosen for the Vice President candidacy was that the Republican party was trying to pick up the "Women's Vote" - ie. - the people that were only going to be voting for Hillary because she was a woman. Since Hillary was knocked out of the race by Obama, the then most deserving, endearing woman that they could find was Mrs. Palin - the mother of a handicapped son, pregnant daughter and who ran the state of Alaska. (This is in NO WAY slamming on her family, but the facts are the facts) Not only is she endearing - being a mother, wife and strong female figure in government, but she does it with flare and a style all her own. It was obvious that she would be a front lines activist for the rights of handicapped people, against abortion, pro-sex education, and support strong family values, as well as gun rights because these are all things that have made a personal impact in her life.
However, I would like to make the point that
"Law is reason free from passion" - Aristotle
That does not mean that you can should not have a passion for law, that it should be only the boring and mundane people of the world that practice law. You should have a passion for the work that you do, the people that you work for, the lives that you change. However, your passion should not have an effect on the outcome of the legal process. If it is written in stone, it is written in stone. No amount of tantrum throwing should change the outcome.
At times, I feel like that is what Sarah Palin is doing. Personally, I would call her "Tea Party" nothing more than a radical form of Republican. Whereas a traditional Republican represents conservative values - a "Tea Party Activist" displays Republican values in a radical way. We're not talking book burnings or violent rallies, but a theoretical "table flipping" - making a scene with words instead of actions - pointing out flaws in a manner that attempts to correct an individual publicly, at times using degrading words in an unprofessional quality.
I personally wouldn't vote for Sarah Palin because I'm not interested in "getting a woman to the White House." I want a competent individual with a strong AND sensible head on their shoulders, but not a person that appears to just want to walk in and turn the government upside-down. I want a person in office that is willing to work across party lines in order to accomplish the goals of everyone, not just the ruling party. I want flexibility in people stances, and the realization that an individuals emotional preferences should not be held as the main influencing factor to development of policy. People who want to outlaw abortion because it's against their religious values, or people that want to outlaw gay marriage because they aren't comfortable with it - need to stand on the other side of the fence and consider what that means for the people who's lives they are affecting. This is the type of passion that should NOT influence the law. Women more than men have an issue with this concept.
Until I see a woman run for office that is obviously able to put aside emotions and focus on the law and how it affects Americans as a whole, not just a group of them, I will vote for a man every time. I do not vote along party lines and I don't vote for people based on sex, religion, race, etc. I vote for someone because I see them as a representative of American values as a whole and an open minded person. When I see a woman that can be open minded, seperate emotions from politics, and not mudsling their way to the top - I'll vote for them.
Friday, June 17, 2011
2 years & counting...
As of yesterday, I have been at my job for 2 years. Time flies by but I still can't seem to get anywhere. Not that this is a dead end job, just feels like I'm getting nowhere quick.
And on a similar note - has anyone ever had one of those "shut up and let me get on with my day" type of moments in your meetings at work? It seems that during meetings with my colleages, one of my bosses will get off on a tangent at the end of the meeting for about 10 min about NOTHING pertaining to my job. If I didn't have things to do, then I would be OK with that, but seriously. I don't care about how your favorite hockey team did. Not in the slightest bit. If you're done with everything that you have to say, please, lets just end the meeting and let me get on with my work. I have deadlines. I have things to do unlike you apparently...and you wonder why "morale" is low...? WASTED TIME and pointless meetings. *sigh*. I love my job, but SERIOUSLY. Time well wasted.
Well, I thought that my boyfriend and I were going to go out and celebrate my 2 year Anniversary at my job... but he suggested drinking with friends. EH. I'll go. He said we'll see a movie tonight too - I assume that will probably depend on how drunk he is tho. I'm not going to drink, just don't feel like it - and where we're going isn't really the atmosphere that I like to drink in. I like the "lets kick back and have a few beers" environment. Usually - the place that we're going has the "LETS GET WASTED!!" environment. I'll pass on the beer, thanx.
Other than that - I have an event that I'm going to on Saturday, and then Sunday is free. Wonder what I'm gonna get into this weekend...?
And on a similar note - has anyone ever had one of those "shut up and let me get on with my day" type of moments in your meetings at work? It seems that during meetings with my colleages, one of my bosses will get off on a tangent at the end of the meeting for about 10 min about NOTHING pertaining to my job. If I didn't have things to do, then I would be OK with that, but seriously. I don't care about how your favorite hockey team did. Not in the slightest bit. If you're done with everything that you have to say, please, lets just end the meeting and let me get on with my work. I have deadlines. I have things to do unlike you apparently...and you wonder why "morale" is low...? WASTED TIME and pointless meetings. *sigh*. I love my job, but SERIOUSLY. Time well wasted.
Well, I thought that my boyfriend and I were going to go out and celebrate my 2 year Anniversary at my job... but he suggested drinking with friends. EH. I'll go. He said we'll see a movie tonight too - I assume that will probably depend on how drunk he is tho. I'm not going to drink, just don't feel like it - and where we're going isn't really the atmosphere that I like to drink in. I like the "lets kick back and have a few beers" environment. Usually - the place that we're going has the "LETS GET WASTED!!" environment. I'll pass on the beer, thanx.
Other than that - I have an event that I'm going to on Saturday, and then Sunday is free. Wonder what I'm gonna get into this weekend...?
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
What's In a Name?
Lemme just say that I love my parents.
I decided recently that I want my old name back. I feel like it's really my final step away from the terrible memories that belong to my past, my hellacious marriage, loss of friends, and the whole reason I'm here today. I want to start living for me again, me and my family - and I don't want to hear his name ever again.
That being said.... I'm going to have to cough up $395....
WTF.
Turns out a name change isn't as cheap as I thought...
Although I'm filing for a waiver from the fees, it's not "for sure" getting approved.
So as I was filling out my paperwork, I was forced to have to call my mother (who holds a bank account for me) to find out the amount in that account - to which I was greeted with questions about my court papers [mom is naturally curious]. I told her that I had wanted to surprise them, but I was filing for my name change and was trying to get the $400 fee waived. Long story short, she talked to my dad [tho I DID NOT CALL to ask for their help, or their money - and I made this very clear] and Dad offered to buy my car from me for $500 - giving me a little money left over to pay some bills :)
I had to tell my boyfriend - I was so happy I decided that I needed to tell him in person so I could hug him when I told him :) Divorced for a year - and I'm FINALLY getting my name back :)
I decided recently that I want my old name back. I feel like it's really my final step away from the terrible memories that belong to my past, my hellacious marriage, loss of friends, and the whole reason I'm here today. I want to start living for me again, me and my family - and I don't want to hear his name ever again.
That being said.... I'm going to have to cough up $395....
WTF.
Turns out a name change isn't as cheap as I thought...
Although I'm filing for a waiver from the fees, it's not "for sure" getting approved.
So as I was filling out my paperwork, I was forced to have to call my mother (who holds a bank account for me) to find out the amount in that account - to which I was greeted with questions about my court papers [mom is naturally curious]. I told her that I had wanted to surprise them, but I was filing for my name change and was trying to get the $400 fee waived. Long story short, she talked to my dad [tho I DID NOT CALL to ask for their help, or their money - and I made this very clear] and Dad offered to buy my car from me for $500 - giving me a little money left over to pay some bills :)
I had to tell my boyfriend - I was so happy I decided that I needed to tell him in person so I could hug him when I told him :) Divorced for a year - and I'm FINALLY getting my name back :)
Congrats Mavericks!!! ---- Lebron "King" James- Try again!
Aside from numberous steal & scoring titles - MJ played on 2 Olympic Basketball teams that won Gold Medals and was awarded more MVP's than I can count on 2 hands - AND never forsoke the team that gave him his chance at the pros - leaving th...em only after his SECOND retirement. In my book - Lebron may be a pretty good basketball player - but he's a lousy person. He has great abilities, but no tact on the court. Although I applaud him for making a "business decision" - when you're making multi-million dollars - why not BUILD the team that gave you the chance, rather than leaving them for a might-as-well-be AllStar team thinking you're going to win a championship. Poor taste if you ask me.
Personally, I think that anyone that nicknames themselves after a version of the Bible is a little more than arrogant.
So in conclusion, congratulation to the Dallas Mavericks for a truly outstanding season. You deserve the title, you fought hard - through injuries, illness and personal trials, and you proved that you have what it takes. You didn't expect a hand out, but you wanted it, not just as a showcase of a one particular persons talents, but as a whole team. I will admit that, being a Cavs fan, I was originally just rooting for the Mavs in hopes that "King James" would go down in smoke. But watching you play, with the heart that I've always admired in professional sports, I can now say that I am a Mavs fan too :) So congrats again - you fought hard, and you won!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Birthday Surprises?!?
I think I might have a birthday surprise coming up from my boyfriend! - maybe....
I don't want to get my hopes up too high tho, even tho I know that he would do everything in his power to make this one of the most memorable birthdays I have ever had. I can think of a million things that he would consider doing.... but! I will say that I kinda hope we do another weekend away, maybe in San Fran?!?! I haven't gotten to "tour" SF, just the "touristy" things - like Pier 39 and the Golden Gate Bridge. But! I will say that it doesn't matter what we do, as long as I"m with him, then I'll be happy :)
I'll keep updates on whether I get updates or not :)
Update: Boyfriend and I ate lunch together - and I was trying to pry about what he may do for my birthday....with no results. He apparently has several ideas and is planning almost the entire July 4th weekend... I just wont get my hopes up tho, b/c IDK if he'll still be in the area by then... gotta go where the job tells you to go I guess... ANYWAY! Hoping everything goes according to his plans!
I don't want to get my hopes up too high tho, even tho I know that he would do everything in his power to make this one of the most memorable birthdays I have ever had. I can think of a million things that he would consider doing.... but! I will say that I kinda hope we do another weekend away, maybe in San Fran?!?! I haven't gotten to "tour" SF, just the "touristy" things - like Pier 39 and the Golden Gate Bridge. But! I will say that it doesn't matter what we do, as long as I"m with him, then I'll be happy :)
I'll keep updates on whether I get updates or not :)
Update: Boyfriend and I ate lunch together - and I was trying to pry about what he may do for my birthday....with no results. He apparently has several ideas and is planning almost the entire July 4th weekend... I just wont get my hopes up tho, b/c IDK if he'll still be in the area by then... gotta go where the job tells you to go I guess... ANYWAY! Hoping everything goes according to his plans!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Considering Creating New Blogs...
I haven't really decided yet, but I'm considering creating a new blog. It seems to me, after blogging for about 3 days now, that most blogs are dedicated to one particular thing; scrapbooking, photography, art, food, daily life....etc. Considering, that I plan to incorporate all of these things into a single blog - I have decided that this is not the best of ideas. So within the next week, I will probably be working to make a new blog, or 2, and will gradually be moving things to those blogs. It all depends on the amount of time that I have.
Man, I wish I had time for all of the things that I love. I don't have enough space in my room for scrapbooking or sewing, I don't have my own kitchen to cook in... *sigh* At least I can buy clothes and go out to eat! :)
So here is the plan...I want to create a "food" blog as well as a "Style" blog and a Photography blog. Any suggestions on some titles? The food blog for now will be restaurant reviews, and the style blog will be of my own wearing. Thoughts?
Update 13 June 11: I have started another new blog, this one dedicated to my love of cooking & cooking magazines. Please check it out! http://duchessofdinner.blogspot.com/
Lazy Sunday
Ah, Lazy Sundays....
I'm honestly not sure what I'm gonna do today, OK, so I know what 2 hours of it will be...
I woke up around 10:30 - uploaded some pictures to my facebook (finally)... And wrote my Blog for Maha's Lebanese Cuisine - which was SOOOooo much fun! Then I had a general breakfast with my boyfriend and one of our friends, and now I'm sitting here, again. I'm going to my boyfriends Softball practice in an hour, and that will take up the next 2 hours after that til nearly 5 (he has a game tomorrow, I'm hella excited to watch him play!!) and then.... probably will clean my room and maybe play some WoW {we got ourselves to lvl 60 two nights ago, and I think I'm STILL catching up on sleep...hehe}
Last night we went to the Bridge, which was fine except I was exausted from my lack of sleep, I kinda just sat on the couches and dozed in and out of sleep after I drank my Blue Moon (<3). I had a super cute outfit on that I totally forgot to have my boyfriend take a picture for me - for some reason I feel funny having HIM take pictures of ME for MY blog, haha! I know he doesn't mind tho, he's happy when I'm happy :)
Shall update later after the softball practice - I think I might work on reading some "Lord of the Rings" (<3)
I'm honestly not sure what I'm gonna do today, OK, so I know what 2 hours of it will be...
I woke up around 10:30 - uploaded some pictures to my facebook (finally)... And wrote my Blog for Maha's Lebanese Cuisine - which was SOOOooo much fun! Then I had a general breakfast with my boyfriend and one of our friends, and now I'm sitting here, again. I'm going to my boyfriends Softball practice in an hour, and that will take up the next 2 hours after that til nearly 5 (he has a game tomorrow, I'm hella excited to watch him play!!) and then.... probably will clean my room and maybe play some WoW {we got ourselves to lvl 60 two nights ago, and I think I'm STILL catching up on sleep...hehe}
Last night we went to the Bridge, which was fine except I was exausted from my lack of sleep, I kinda just sat on the couches and dozed in and out of sleep after I drank my Blue Moon (<3). I had a super cute outfit on that I totally forgot to have my boyfriend take a picture for me - for some reason I feel funny having HIM take pictures of ME for MY blog, haha! I know he doesn't mind tho, he's happy when I'm happy :)
Shall update later after the softball practice - I think I might work on reading some "Lord of the Rings" (<3)
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