Today, I realized how far away I've allowed myself to get, from my family and my friends and a lot of people that I have cared about in the past, even those that have made an large impact and continue to make an impact in my life, regardless of their active presence or not. I have allowed friendships to die and people to fade out of my life that have genuinely shaped me into the person that I am, in good ways, and it makes me sad. This is something that has been weighing on my mind for a while now, and since I've been home on vacation, I've pondered it quite a bit... Why do we allow people to just disappear from our contact lists, our phone books, our "friends" list? Are those people unimportant? Do they have nothing to offer us anymore, nothing they can give to us that we can use to our advantage? Can we no longer help them, aid them, listen to them? Are we too busy, too caught up, too selfish? Are we avoiding them, or avoiding being honest with ourselves? Do we avoid them because we are ashamed of the answers that we have to give to their questions, or because we have no idea what we would say to them? Or are we too lazy to take the time to write that letter, that email, or even a text message? Do we care just enough to "Facebook Stalk" them, but not enough to tell we actually pay attention - and therefore are just nosey? What would we say, how much time would this interaction take? How do we change so much, that we no longer feel that we need our friends? We are not an island, each of us to ourselves, because regardless of what anyone says, we really are all connected. Haven't you ever had one of those "It's a small world, huh?" situations? We are punishing ourselves as a society by secluding ourselves and giving ourselves such a limited support system of 3 or 4 close friends, that we feel it has nearly become manditory to survive strictly on our own, with no help from others - so much so that we have begun to alienate not only our friends, but sometimes our own families and spouses! Why?!?! Is it THAT important to be seen as a self-propelled force in our world today? The answer is yes, it is. It's so important that people prove that they can make it on their own, that they can look out for Number #1, that they themselves make every effort to stick out as THE shining diamond in the rough, to take all the credit, or to beat their brains senseless - undertaking a 5-man project all on their own, just to prove their worth or possibly outshine other groups, or maybe, just because they want things done THEIR way and dont want to share the responsibilities.
I have news for you... you can't do it alone.
Too many times, people try to go it alone. Wrestling with their own problems, day in and day out, it's become even difficult for people to reach out for help from those people in a service position. Therapists, doctors, friends... I've seen too many people recently that want to "do it on their own", to "fix themselves", to "change their lifestyle" without consulting additional facts and without asking for help. Or even worse, ignoring the issues all together, like they don't even exist. WHY!?!? If there is an elephant in the room - you can't just stare right through it! We were made as social beings - it's in our DNA, in the very essence of being human. We aren't meant to do it alone, we aren't supposed to... so why try? Why do we leave friends in the dust that have been good to us, loyal, honest and sincere - only to "keep up with them" on Facebook by doing nothing more than checking their status messages? If that constitutes a friend in your book, I weep for you. Have we really become that lazy and self absorbed that we can't take a little time to ask about friend of ours, be interested in their lives, or be there for them?
Today (and yesterday), as a continued effort to move forward with a quest I challenged myself to on January 1st - I reconnected with some people that I shouldn't have lost touch with, and it felt good. They were friends from both High School and College, and even some family members. I missed them. I missed hearing their stories and it really hit me how much I had been absent for in their lives. Wow. And I know they aren't the only ones. What kind of a friend can I call myself if I don't even know what's going on in the lives of others around me? At times it was awkward, sometimes there were silences, sometimes I realized that I was talking too much about myself in an effort to catch up or reconnect. But I decided, that's okay. I felt a little sheepish, I felt exposed, and I felt a little antsy - but I expected that. Besides, if I hadn't allowed such a canyon to form between us, such uncomfortablness wouldn't have existed anyway. Some people would argue, "What? So you have to make all the effort? They haven't tried to contact you either! Why are you taking it upon yourself to rebuild past/lost/stressed/forgotten/faded friendships? It takes 2 to tango! They didn't care about you either!" And my response to that argument is simple - I am responsible for my own actions, and I can not force others to act. I am taking the blame and responsibilty for my part in any friendship that has faded and I will happily step forward if it means regaining a good friend again. I will lay down my pride and stop expecting others to come to me - if these people were once that important to me, I will stop playing the Blame Game and put the effort in to fix what needs fixed. I can not hold others accountable for my actions in allowing my friendships to diminish, but I can hold MYSELF accountable, and so instead of passing blame (like so many people nowadays do), I will step forward and reclaim friendships that should have never been lost.
I don't have to talk to them once a day, or once a week, maybe not even once a month. But I hope that from now on, I wont wait 3 or 4 years, and in some cases 7 years, before I contact these people again, and others. I refuse to burn bridges, but that doesn't mean I can just leave them to digress into disrepair. I will continue to repair what I have left in the shadows of my life, and I'm looking forward to rebuilding what I never expected to have deteriorated.
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold."
I have news for you... you can't do it alone.
Too many times, people try to go it alone. Wrestling with their own problems, day in and day out, it's become even difficult for people to reach out for help from those people in a service position. Therapists, doctors, friends... I've seen too many people recently that want to "do it on their own", to "fix themselves", to "change their lifestyle" without consulting additional facts and without asking for help. Or even worse, ignoring the issues all together, like they don't even exist. WHY!?!? If there is an elephant in the room - you can't just stare right through it! We were made as social beings - it's in our DNA, in the very essence of being human. We aren't meant to do it alone, we aren't supposed to... so why try? Why do we leave friends in the dust that have been good to us, loyal, honest and sincere - only to "keep up with them" on Facebook by doing nothing more than checking their status messages? If that constitutes a friend in your book, I weep for you. Have we really become that lazy and self absorbed that we can't take a little time to ask about friend of ours, be interested in their lives, or be there for them?
Today (and yesterday), as a continued effort to move forward with a quest I challenged myself to on January 1st - I reconnected with some people that I shouldn't have lost touch with, and it felt good. They were friends from both High School and College, and even some family members. I missed them. I missed hearing their stories and it really hit me how much I had been absent for in their lives. Wow. And I know they aren't the only ones. What kind of a friend can I call myself if I don't even know what's going on in the lives of others around me? At times it was awkward, sometimes there were silences, sometimes I realized that I was talking too much about myself in an effort to catch up or reconnect. But I decided, that's okay. I felt a little sheepish, I felt exposed, and I felt a little antsy - but I expected that. Besides, if I hadn't allowed such a canyon to form between us, such uncomfortablness wouldn't have existed anyway. Some people would argue, "What? So you have to make all the effort? They haven't tried to contact you either! Why are you taking it upon yourself to rebuild past/lost/stressed/forgotten/faded friendships? It takes 2 to tango! They didn't care about you either!" And my response to that argument is simple - I am responsible for my own actions, and I can not force others to act. I am taking the blame and responsibilty for my part in any friendship that has faded and I will happily step forward if it means regaining a good friend again. I will lay down my pride and stop expecting others to come to me - if these people were once that important to me, I will stop playing the Blame Game and put the effort in to fix what needs fixed. I can not hold others accountable for my actions in allowing my friendships to diminish, but I can hold MYSELF accountable, and so instead of passing blame (like so many people nowadays do), I will step forward and reclaim friendships that should have never been lost.
I don't have to talk to them once a day, or once a week, maybe not even once a month. But I hope that from now on, I wont wait 3 or 4 years, and in some cases 7 years, before I contact these people again, and others. I refuse to burn bridges, but that doesn't mean I can just leave them to digress into disrepair. I will continue to repair what I have left in the shadows of my life, and I'm looking forward to rebuilding what I never expected to have deteriorated.
"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, and the other is gold."
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