Monday, June 11, 2012
Fun Weekend Nails!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
I'd Like to Say Thank You For....
Have you ever felt like no one appreciates what you do? Like you are doing your damnedest to get your job done, and do it right, and you never get a word of thanks? Or when you ARE thanked, its a simple passing "Thanks" that we are trained from birth to render mindlessly when someone does something for you. You know what I mean - times like when the bank teller hands you your cash, or as the drive-thru attendant hands you your drinks through the window, or when your waitress fills your glass back up. We've all been there, doing the jobs that we're sure no one REALLY appreciates, just simply expects - the jobs that no one is really thankful are done, just angry when they aren't accomplished. Have you ever thought about ACTUALLY taking time to stop your waitress and say "Thank you, you're doing an awesome job and I really appreciate you being so attentive and on top of everything!"
It never really occured to me how thankless some jobs are until the last couple months.
I was out with an amazing friend of mine, Kristian. Kristian is this crazy big city girl trapped in a quiet small country town, and in a way, we are kinda kindered spirits (although I will admit, as she would too, that I am probably happier in our small town than she is, haha!) She is a talented, intelligent and vivacious woman, and even after years, literally, of not seeing each other and/or hardly speaking because of the busy lives we have led, we sat down for a late lunch one day and couldn't stop talking - about EVERYTHING. We talked and sipped wine in a fantastic little Italian Cafe close to home, when our waitress came over to check on our order and see if there was anything that she could do. At that point, Kristian struck up a conversation - which is not unusual for Kristian or I, because it's also true that we both love to talk to people, and we tend to feed off of eachothers energy. However, at some point in the afternoon, when our lovely waitress Patty came over to check on us once more, hours after we first arrived, Kristian did something that took me slightly aback. She straight up praised the waitress for her knowledge of the menu, for her professionalism, and her appropriate time spacing between asking how we were doing with our food.
I was honestly a little bit embarrassed at first and slightly confused, because I had never been around anyone that took it upon themselves to publically shower someone with praise. Along with that, I had never offered that much thanks to someone before, and I had no idea why I had never shown my appreciation before or what to say. It occurred to me that my lack of action obviously led me to be the one that was in the wrong, and I couldn't believe I had never said thank you in such a way before. However, being the social "cameleon" that I am (I have my dear friend Ethan to thank for that perfect explaination of my personality), I chimed right in, and said legitimately what was on my mind just as Kristian was - that Patty's recommendations were fantastic and that I appreciated the fact that she made sure we were taken care of, without hovering over our table. You see, Kristian is a very outspoken person, and I am too - when I'm among friends. But to shower that praise on a complete stranger put me in a bit of a social gridlock, and I wasn't sure how to react to it...
Until I saw the look on Patty's face.
The way she lit up when she heard how great of a job we thought she was doing was enough to make even me smile, and I wasn't the one that was receiving the thanks! Her facial expression made it quite obvious how much our praise meant to her, and all we were really doing was making sure that she knew how nice it was that she was good at her job and that we took notice of it. It made me think - how often do I go, daily, and not genuinely offer my gratitude for a job well done. How many people have affected my life, from a miniscule deed done well to a life altering event, that I have never stopped to thank? Or even the little things, like the drive thru attendant, the one that I just hand a card to, grab my food and toss a "thanks, you too" over my shoulder as I drive away. How many times have I done nothing but leave a tip on the table as an expression of a "good job", when I could have also picked up the pen and wrote on the back on my receipt "Your service was excellent - thanks for making my dinner worry-free & keep up the great work!"
And so - I have conducted a social experiment a couple times in the last few weeks - once with a drive thru attendant and once with my waiter at a restaurant. To the drive-thru attendant, I expressed my appreciation for her sunny disposition and how nice it was for her to simply ask "How are you today?" through the speaker of the drive-thru instead of "Would you like to try a Value Meal?!?" And to my waiter, who's name was Troy, at Hard Rock Destin, I left a note thanking him for his fantastic and humorous service and a guarantee that I would be back. The results? The drive-thru girl smiled at me, blushed a little and simply said that's what they were trained to say (which I know isn't true and I'm sure that was just her response b/c she didn't know what to say to a direct compliment. Ive worked drive-thru, and you're trained to sell the product). And Troy? Before he even saw what I had wrote, he had noticed the writing on the receipt stub and commented that he was going to keep that copy.
My point is, is that there are so many jobs that go without a proper thank you. I'm not sure why we don't hand them out more freely - maybe it's because we just assume people know we're thankful, or perhaps it's b/c we just think of it as "they're just doing their job". Let me tell you, I have heard the saying before, "You don't get rewarded for doing your job," and I say that's crap. It's called a paycheck, or a promotion. That is your bosses way of showing their gratitude for you doing your job and doing it right. But what about situations other than an "employer-employee" relationship? Does that mean a plain, scripted "thank you" is enough all the time? Have you ever been caused to stop and go "Wow, that person was so polite and friendly, it made my day!", and then just walked away? What about the people that made such a huge impact on your life that it has permanently changed you as a person? Have you told them what they mean to you, or do you just chose to assume that they already know? Have you ever wondered why some people just do the bare minimum at their job, and been curious if it was b/c they worked their @$$es off for years without even a small showing of graditude or validation for their work, so they just stopped caring about the quality of work they did? Sure, sometimes a simple "Thanks!" is enough, but sometimes it should be a stepping stone to another expression of graditude.
Lastly, I'll bring this full circle - and I'll ask you again - have YOU ever held a job where you felt that no one was grateful for the work you put in, the effort you made, or the time that you spent? Have you ever just wished for a little more than a cliche "thanks" in response to your dedication? And have YOU done anything to break that cycle? - to show someone that you have noticed their work, knowing that there have been times in your life when you wished someone would have noticed yours?
I would challenge everyone - like my friend Kristian unknowingly challenged me - to break the cycle and express your gratitude for a job well done. It doesn't cost you anything, and the happiness on someones face in reaction to you noticing their hard work is truly priceless.
It never really occured to me how thankless some jobs are until the last couple months.
I was out with an amazing friend of mine, Kristian. Kristian is this crazy big city girl trapped in a quiet small country town, and in a way, we are kinda kindered spirits (although I will admit, as she would too, that I am probably happier in our small town than she is, haha!) She is a talented, intelligent and vivacious woman, and even after years, literally, of not seeing each other and/or hardly speaking because of the busy lives we have led, we sat down for a late lunch one day and couldn't stop talking - about EVERYTHING. We talked and sipped wine in a fantastic little Italian Cafe close to home, when our waitress came over to check on our order and see if there was anything that she could do. At that point, Kristian struck up a conversation - which is not unusual for Kristian or I, because it's also true that we both love to talk to people, and we tend to feed off of eachothers energy. However, at some point in the afternoon, when our lovely waitress Patty came over to check on us once more, hours after we first arrived, Kristian did something that took me slightly aback. She straight up praised the waitress for her knowledge of the menu, for her professionalism, and her appropriate time spacing between asking how we were doing with our food.
I was honestly a little bit embarrassed at first and slightly confused, because I had never been around anyone that took it upon themselves to publically shower someone with praise. Along with that, I had never offered that much thanks to someone before, and I had no idea why I had never shown my appreciation before or what to say. It occurred to me that my lack of action obviously led me to be the one that was in the wrong, and I couldn't believe I had never said thank you in such a way before. However, being the social "cameleon" that I am (I have my dear friend Ethan to thank for that perfect explaination of my personality), I chimed right in, and said legitimately what was on my mind just as Kristian was - that Patty's recommendations were fantastic and that I appreciated the fact that she made sure we were taken care of, without hovering over our table. You see, Kristian is a very outspoken person, and I am too - when I'm among friends. But to shower that praise on a complete stranger put me in a bit of a social gridlock, and I wasn't sure how to react to it...
Until I saw the look on Patty's face.
The way she lit up when she heard how great of a job we thought she was doing was enough to make even me smile, and I wasn't the one that was receiving the thanks! Her facial expression made it quite obvious how much our praise meant to her, and all we were really doing was making sure that she knew how nice it was that she was good at her job and that we took notice of it. It made me think - how often do I go, daily, and not genuinely offer my gratitude for a job well done. How many people have affected my life, from a miniscule deed done well to a life altering event, that I have never stopped to thank? Or even the little things, like the drive thru attendant, the one that I just hand a card to, grab my food and toss a "thanks, you too" over my shoulder as I drive away. How many times have I done nothing but leave a tip on the table as an expression of a "good job", when I could have also picked up the pen and wrote on the back on my receipt "Your service was excellent - thanks for making my dinner worry-free & keep up the great work!"
And so - I have conducted a social experiment a couple times in the last few weeks - once with a drive thru attendant and once with my waiter at a restaurant. To the drive-thru attendant, I expressed my appreciation for her sunny disposition and how nice it was for her to simply ask "How are you today?" through the speaker of the drive-thru instead of "Would you like to try a Value Meal?!?" And to my waiter, who's name was Troy, at Hard Rock Destin, I left a note thanking him for his fantastic and humorous service and a guarantee that I would be back. The results? The drive-thru girl smiled at me, blushed a little and simply said that's what they were trained to say (which I know isn't true and I'm sure that was just her response b/c she didn't know what to say to a direct compliment. Ive worked drive-thru, and you're trained to sell the product). And Troy? Before he even saw what I had wrote, he had noticed the writing on the receipt stub and commented that he was going to keep that copy.
My point is, is that there are so many jobs that go without a proper thank you. I'm not sure why we don't hand them out more freely - maybe it's because we just assume people know we're thankful, or perhaps it's b/c we just think of it as "they're just doing their job". Let me tell you, I have heard the saying before, "You don't get rewarded for doing your job," and I say that's crap. It's called a paycheck, or a promotion. That is your bosses way of showing their gratitude for you doing your job and doing it right. But what about situations other than an "employer-employee" relationship? Does that mean a plain, scripted "thank you" is enough all the time? Have you ever been caused to stop and go "Wow, that person was so polite and friendly, it made my day!", and then just walked away? What about the people that made such a huge impact on your life that it has permanently changed you as a person? Have you told them what they mean to you, or do you just chose to assume that they already know? Have you ever wondered why some people just do the bare minimum at their job, and been curious if it was b/c they worked their @$$es off for years without even a small showing of graditude or validation for their work, so they just stopped caring about the quality of work they did? Sure, sometimes a simple "Thanks!" is enough, but sometimes it should be a stepping stone to another expression of graditude.
Lastly, I'll bring this full circle - and I'll ask you again - have YOU ever held a job where you felt that no one was grateful for the work you put in, the effort you made, or the time that you spent? Have you ever just wished for a little more than a cliche "thanks" in response to your dedication? And have YOU done anything to break that cycle? - to show someone that you have noticed their work, knowing that there have been times in your life when you wished someone would have noticed yours?
I would challenge everyone - like my friend Kristian unknowingly challenged me - to break the cycle and express your gratitude for a job well done. It doesn't cost you anything, and the happiness on someones face in reaction to you noticing their hard work is truly priceless.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
il dolce far niente - The Sweetness of Doing Nothing
I've been in Florida a week now, and I can say I've accomplished a lot, and also next to nothing, haha! But what I decided to do this morning surprised even me - I decided to wake up and cook breakfast for myself, and then lounge around and casually surf the internet. il dolce far niente <3
I thought about this as I sat down and looked at my plate of food. It's delicious, filled with fried potatoes, poached eggs and fresh apples with some chai tea, and I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love", and it's an amazing feeling.
I have nothing specific to do today, no where to go and no one to see, and because of that, I'm going to take my time. Far too often I rush around and try to fit too many things into my day, because I think "You only live once!" It's true, you do, but why live life in such a frantic rush that the little things pass you by? The little things in life are the things that if you stop and really think about them, make life worth living. A hug, a compliment, a great dinner, the smell of fresh cut grass, being in the presence of friends, laughter, amazing memories. Those are a few of the things I know I don't take enough time to appreciate, and it's time I did. With this new life in Florida, I plan on taking a little time each week to just sit and enjoy something, while doing nothing.
I thought about this as I sat down and looked at my plate of food. It's delicious, filled with fried potatoes, poached eggs and fresh apples with some chai tea, and I suddenly felt like Julia Roberts in "Eat, Pray, Love", and it's an amazing feeling.
I have nothing specific to do today, no where to go and no one to see, and because of that, I'm going to take my time. Far too often I rush around and try to fit too many things into my day, because I think "You only live once!" It's true, you do, but why live life in such a frantic rush that the little things pass you by? The little things in life are the things that if you stop and really think about them, make life worth living. A hug, a compliment, a great dinner, the smell of fresh cut grass, being in the presence of friends, laughter, amazing memories. Those are a few of the things I know I don't take enough time to appreciate, and it's time I did. With this new life in Florida, I plan on taking a little time each week to just sit and enjoy something, while doing nothing.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Through My Lense 2
This weeks installment! In the last week I went to SeaWorld with the love of my life, I made some fantastic food, finished watching the first season of "Game of Thrones", developed a new hobby (or 2...), drove across 5 states & stayed the night in the French Quarter in New Orleans, had a "reunion" of sorts of a lot of my really good friends, finally got to my new job, laid on the beach, and had deep conversation with some amazing people.
These are some of my pics from the last week...
These are some of my pics from the last week...
I've been planning to do a picture frame like this one for FOREVER! I was even saving the bottle caps for a LONG time, and then I found them! So while I was home, I decided it was time to make the proper use of them for the purpose they were created! Hurray for finishing a crafty project that I planned to start (6 years later... haha!)
So, you wonder what these are don't you? I call them "Girl Scout Cookie Cupcakes." They're authentic, made with real girl scouts! HAHA! J/k! But seriously - they're made with girl scout cookies. The back ones are a french vanilla cupcake topped with Samoas, and the front ones are Thin Mints (which also have thin mints baked into the batter of a french vanilla cupcake). SUPER YUMMY!!! <3
Saturday's breakfast: Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, maple sausage and coffee. My boyfriend ALWAYS asks that I make these every time I'm around on a weekend, they're a favorite, and SIMPLE! Take a packed of Hungry Jack pancake mix (really any pancake mix works), add a little milk, a little water, and replace the rest of the water with apple cinnamon apple sauce until you like the consistancy of the pancakes! Be careful not to burn them tho, the sugar in the apple sauce makes them burn faster!
Habibi and I saw this at Bed, Bath & Beyond. It's PERFECT for me, very modern looking, and centered around traveling. LOVE IT!
Sunday's Breakfast: Scrambled Eggs, Rosmary Potatoes, and 12 Grain Toast topped with Pistachio Honey Butter and fresh fruit! YUMMY!
One of my new hobbies: Bezel Bracelets!! I love them, and I'm considering starting an Etsy shop and selling them online... not only would they give me a creative outlet, but I could make a little money doing something I love!!
Habibi and I went to SeaWorld with his roommate and his g/f - we had a blast! This is the picture of the set for one of the shows that we watched - it was SO CUTE! Very "slapstick" comedy like, but the animals were so well trained it was like you didn't even notice the cheesy comedy! Just adorable animals and a cute story! We had a good laugh!
One of my favorite views in America: The St. Louis Cathedral in the French Quarter, New Orleans. Everytime I'm in NOLA, I go to Cafe du Monde and buy a large Cafe au Lait and some Beignet and sit across from the Cathedral, covering myself in powdered sugar and enjoying the sight of beautiful architecture.
My Cafe au Lait & delicious beignet!
My hotel room at Hotel Provincial in the French Quarter. Apparently, this building of the hotel is haunted - but I didn't really have any problems. If my room was haunted, it left me alone!
That sign says "Florida" on it. And that, my friends, it a beautiful thing.
************************************
That's that! Part of my last week in picture! I like doing this I think - I believe I'm going to keep trying to stick with this series every Monday! Til next time!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Through My Lense
I have so many pictures that I want to share, but I'll only put them up a few at a time...
Me, getting ready to go out Salsa Dancing with my good friend Josie, in Spokane, WA. My hair normally isn't that "BIG" - but I thought it would be fun to spice up my look a bit, and I loved it!
Inside of Rosa's Cafe, San Angelo, TX. I had to take a picture of the decorative furniture. It felt like everything in that restaurant was a work of art, they didn't even need art on the walls, just the furniture! (and the food wasn't bad either!)
D-Ray's, San Angelo, TX. This was my favorite burger joint of all time in San Angelo! I went here several times with multiple friends so they could all experience the deliciousness that I did :)
This little Salt & Pepper Shaker that I found at Pier 1 Imports in San Antonio, TX is just ADORABLE! I think it would be so much fun to have lots of different salt & pepper shakers with all different themes to display during a different parties - like this one for a cookout :)
This.... is a direct result of the Dryer Goblins. As you can see, I have 5 socks, each with a different color ring on top. Cool. Thanks. I wonder what they do with the others?
I bought this dress off of Ebay, but I haven't actually had a reason to wear it yet :( It's cute tho!
*************************************************
And that is this weeks edition of "Through My Lense". Not all of these pictures have been taken in the last week, but my goal is to start a weekly "Through My Lense" every Monday of pictures that I have taken in the last week!
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
We Are Not Trash
Over and over and over again I see, I hear, the same story...
"Last night 'Johnny' called me a whore"
"'Johnny' keeps telling me that I'm lying but I'm not"
"I don't feel comfortable being honest with Johnny, but I love him"
"I never told you before because I didn't want you to hate him, but Johnny hit me"
"Johnny is really a nice guy, he just can't control his temper and it's my fault."
"Johnny is drinking again, but it's ok, he says he wont get too drunk this time"
"Johnny has some personal issues to work out, but I'll wait on him"
"My bestfriend said they saw Johnny with some girl. I don't believe that, I trust him."
"Johnny said that I am a fat, lazy, ungrateful "C-word". I know he didn't mean it."
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US WOMEN!?!?! Since when did it become ok to hit, push, make fun of, talk down to, belittle or berate ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN, and WHY THE HELL are we taking it, practially with a smile on our faces?!? Far too many of my friends are faithfully standing by their man - a man that would NEVER faithfully stand by them, except to save face. What? Do we think we aren't worth being treated like platinum? We don't deserve to be showered with adoration and love? We don't deserve a 'good guy'? Or is it that we feel like we are nurturing those sick bastards by standing by them and showing them what real love is? That "he will change some day. I know he loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it. He just can't let go of his past. But things will change, he told me they would get better, he just needs time. I'm sure after this next talk we have, THIS TIME, everything will be different." WHO THE HELL ARE YOU FOOLING?!?! You really think after this NEXT talk, that things will finally click?!? That after the last 20 talks, everything will make sense after talk #21?!? Trust me sister, if things were going to change, they would have changed after talk #3. 3 strikes & you're OUT homeboy. 'Nuff said. How much sense does the following model make?:
Realize the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
...
...
Be honest with yourself. It doesn't. It makes no sense at all. I realized this the hard way... I was in a bad relationship too. I stayed because I hoped things would change, that he would see how hard I worked to make him happy, to change myself to "help him love me". I became someone I wasn't proud of, but was dying for a morsel of attention, affection, and love so much so that I was willing to do nearly anything for a compliment. I stayed through the name calling, through the depression, through the degradation. I stayed when my friends told me to leave..."One more shot," I would say, "I KNOW that this next time he'll know I'm serious, that I'm leaving if he won't love me the way I deserve." And then I would stay and wait for the "change" that he would promise... that would never occur. I was naive, full of hopes and dreams that the guy that I offered the chance to, the one that everyone said wasn't worth my time, would stand up with me to the world and prove them all wrong. I wasn't about to be the one that was wrong - after defying my family, losing friends and alienating those that had stood by me my whole life, I COULDN'T be wrong....
But I was.
I allowed myself to go through Hell. And I willingly chose to stay. I knew I was better than the treatment I received. I knew he treated me like shit. His own FAMILY told me he treated me like shit, but I stayed, b/c I had faith in him, and I didn't want to be wrong. I had the talks. I made the threats. I gave ultimatums. And in the end, years later, while I watch my friends go through the same drama, giving me the same responses that I gave them, I wonder.... why did I stay? Did I say those things? Did I sound THAT desperate? B/c all of the answers that they're giving me, SUCK. My friends know they suck, I know they suck, I TELL them that they suck, they agree that they suck. BUT THEY STILL GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWERS. (This is coming from multiple friends, btw.)
I did learn some very valuable life lessons though.
Life Lesson #1
The saying "No man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry," is bullshit. The man that is worth your tears will make you cry. He will say/do things that will make you sad. The difference between a man that is and isn't worth your tears is that the man that IS worth your tears will see you crying, wipe the tears away, and make it so you never have to cry about that problem again.
Life Lesson #2
If "The Talk" doesn't work after Talk #3 - it's not EVER going to work. After that, it's nothing more than "nagging" - which men refuse to realize that if they would either a) just do what they promised (walk the dog, pick up some milk, pay the phone bill, etc)
b) do what they should do, regardless (put the toilet seat down, take dishes to the sink)
c) *something of the like
women wouldn't repeat themselves, and they would be "nag" free.
Life Lesson #3
Staying doesn't make you the better person, it only makes you look like a martyr. And when you kill yourself day in and day out for someone that doesn't deserve it, it only makes you look like an idiot and a complete fool. Don't degrade yourself to that level. Show a little self respect and walk away when it is warrented.
Life Lesson #4
If you are beyond miserable, you need to remember - there IS a happiness out there, somewhere, and this ISN'T it. But I will say one thing, you REALLY appreciate the little things in a relationship after going through hell and back. B/c when it used to be that you were grateful for everyday that went by without being called a whore, without being degraded or talked down to, without being hit or making him angry - after you leave - its AMAZING how grateful you are for the little things. I am grateful everytime my boyfriend opens my car door, everytime he pulls out my chair, and everytime he says "I Love You." I'm grateful that he never yells, I'm grateful for EVERY SECOND that we cuddle together, when he is willing to buy my favorite wine & sip it & watch a movie with me, and when he compliments me. I have never had more things to be grateful for in my life, because I have stared into hell, experienced it, and walked away.
Please, women of the 90's and the Millenium - STOP ALLOWING YOURSELVES TO BE WALKED ON. LEARN FROM OTHERS MISTAKES, AND LEARN FROM YOUR OWN. And NEVER say "It wont happen to me." Because it can. And if it is...
Swallow your pride and admit it: You were wrong.
Stop celebrating the baby steps that he makes to shut you up and later digresses.
Stand up for yourself once and for all and lay it all down on the table.
If you continue to be treated like shit, LEAVE. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
"Last night 'Johnny' called me a whore"
"'Johnny' keeps telling me that I'm lying but I'm not"
"I don't feel comfortable being honest with Johnny, but I love him"
"I never told you before because I didn't want you to hate him, but Johnny hit me"
"Johnny is really a nice guy, he just can't control his temper and it's my fault."
"Johnny is drinking again, but it's ok, he says he wont get too drunk this time"
"Johnny has some personal issues to work out, but I'll wait on him"
"My bestfriend said they saw Johnny with some girl. I don't believe that, I trust him."
"Johnny said that I am a fat, lazy, ungrateful "C-word". I know he didn't mean it."
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US WOMEN!?!?! Since when did it become ok to hit, push, make fun of, talk down to, belittle or berate ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN, and WHY THE HELL are we taking it, practially with a smile on our faces?!? Far too many of my friends are faithfully standing by their man - a man that would NEVER faithfully stand by them, except to save face. What? Do we think we aren't worth being treated like platinum? We don't deserve to be showered with adoration and love? We don't deserve a 'good guy'? Or is it that we feel like we are nurturing those sick bastards by standing by them and showing them what real love is? That "he will change some day. I know he loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it. He just can't let go of his past. But things will change, he told me they would get better, he just needs time. I'm sure after this next talk we have, THIS TIME, everything will be different." WHO THE HELL ARE YOU FOOLING?!?! You really think after this NEXT talk, that things will finally click?!? That after the last 20 talks, everything will make sense after talk #21?!? Trust me sister, if things were going to change, they would have changed after talk #3. 3 strikes & you're OUT homeboy. 'Nuff said. How much sense does the following model make?:
Realize the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Create a solution to the problem
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
Address the problem.
...
...
Be honest with yourself. It doesn't. It makes no sense at all. I realized this the hard way... I was in a bad relationship too. I stayed because I hoped things would change, that he would see how hard I worked to make him happy, to change myself to "help him love me". I became someone I wasn't proud of, but was dying for a morsel of attention, affection, and love so much so that I was willing to do nearly anything for a compliment. I stayed through the name calling, through the depression, through the degradation. I stayed when my friends told me to leave..."One more shot," I would say, "I KNOW that this next time he'll know I'm serious, that I'm leaving if he won't love me the way I deserve." And then I would stay and wait for the "change" that he would promise... that would never occur. I was naive, full of hopes and dreams that the guy that I offered the chance to, the one that everyone said wasn't worth my time, would stand up with me to the world and prove them all wrong. I wasn't about to be the one that was wrong - after defying my family, losing friends and alienating those that had stood by me my whole life, I COULDN'T be wrong....
But I was.
I allowed myself to go through Hell. And I willingly chose to stay. I knew I was better than the treatment I received. I knew he treated me like shit. His own FAMILY told me he treated me like shit, but I stayed, b/c I had faith in him, and I didn't want to be wrong. I had the talks. I made the threats. I gave ultimatums. And in the end, years later, while I watch my friends go through the same drama, giving me the same responses that I gave them, I wonder.... why did I stay? Did I say those things? Did I sound THAT desperate? B/c all of the answers that they're giving me, SUCK. My friends know they suck, I know they suck, I TELL them that they suck, they agree that they suck. BUT THEY STILL GIVE ME THE SAME ANSWERS. (This is coming from multiple friends, btw.)
I did learn some very valuable life lessons though.
Life Lesson #1
The saying "No man is worth your tears and the one that is will never make you cry," is bullshit. The man that is worth your tears will make you cry. He will say/do things that will make you sad. The difference between a man that is and isn't worth your tears is that the man that IS worth your tears will see you crying, wipe the tears away, and make it so you never have to cry about that problem again.
Life Lesson #2
If "The Talk" doesn't work after Talk #3 - it's not EVER going to work. After that, it's nothing more than "nagging" - which men refuse to realize that if they would either a) just do what they promised (walk the dog, pick up some milk, pay the phone bill, etc)
b) do what they should do, regardless (put the toilet seat down, take dishes to the sink)
c) *something of the like
women wouldn't repeat themselves, and they would be "nag" free.
Life Lesson #3
Staying doesn't make you the better person, it only makes you look like a martyr. And when you kill yourself day in and day out for someone that doesn't deserve it, it only makes you look like an idiot and a complete fool. Don't degrade yourself to that level. Show a little self respect and walk away when it is warrented.
Life Lesson #4
If you are beyond miserable, you need to remember - there IS a happiness out there, somewhere, and this ISN'T it. But I will say one thing, you REALLY appreciate the little things in a relationship after going through hell and back. B/c when it used to be that you were grateful for everyday that went by without being called a whore, without being degraded or talked down to, without being hit or making him angry - after you leave - its AMAZING how grateful you are for the little things. I am grateful everytime my boyfriend opens my car door, everytime he pulls out my chair, and everytime he says "I Love You." I'm grateful that he never yells, I'm grateful for EVERY SECOND that we cuddle together, when he is willing to buy my favorite wine & sip it & watch a movie with me, and when he compliments me. I have never had more things to be grateful for in my life, because I have stared into hell, experienced it, and walked away.
Please, women of the 90's and the Millenium - STOP ALLOWING YOURSELVES TO BE WALKED ON. LEARN FROM OTHERS MISTAKES, AND LEARN FROM YOUR OWN. And NEVER say "It wont happen to me." Because it can. And if it is...
Swallow your pride and admit it: You were wrong.
Stop celebrating the baby steps that he makes to shut you up and later digresses.
Stand up for yourself once and for all and lay it all down on the table.
If you continue to be treated like shit, LEAVE. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
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